I know you and WDID think there's still contact. And you could be right. A big part of me thinks so. But I also think it's platonic in her mind. It's a problem if that's so and that's where I was going in my statement that I'm going to give her all the time she needs to figure it out until I can't give anymore. And if I look at it, the way she's been the last couple months makes me think she is NC but has the occasional trigger that sets her back. I just see us making more and more progress and if that's going on, then I see whatever contact there still might be going away.
Maybe I'm just a fool. But right now, until she's ready to talk and commit, I just have to act "as if" she's not talking to OM.
Look at it this way...worst case scenario, she has "some" contact. It's possible that she does have triggers that set her back on occasion. You are being smart by giving her time to figure it out. If she "slips" she probably feels like an idiot...in fact I'd be sure of it.
What's in your favor is that this guy is a horse's ass. He can do nothing but disappoint her anyway! SO, even the worst case scenario will help you...as you become a better H, and this guy will slowly reveal himself to be who he really is...maybe some occasional contact will include some 2x4's.
She will have her own days of How the F could I fall for that? Pleasant feeling....not.
