Maybe I should be in piecing part 2?

[Hope4us]

Puppy, I'm not going to push any of this until she is ready. I told her a couple months ago I wouldn't bring the A up again until she was ready to talk about it. It has to happen sometime, but until she's ready or I've had enough, I'll give her the time she needs.

H4U,

Perhaps you misunderstood me. I didn't mean to INITIATE this conversation; I'm just saying that when you DO have it, I do think that 100% no-contact and transparency needs to be a condition of the reconciliation, or it should be a dealbreaker. At least it would be (and it indeed was) to me.

I'm just saying that until she IS ready to talk about this stuff, don't send off the vibe that it's going to take "A,B,C,D, and all the way up to L or even Z" to make your marriage work.

Put more simply: YOU DON'T WANT TO "SPOOK" HER.

I get ya. I truly believe that once she makes the commitment to be with me that no contact won't be a problem. Like Breakaway has said on her thread, once you figure it out, the contact just doesn't seem necessary (I think that's what I read on her thread). Now her committing may be a problem until she's NC, but I'll say again, I just don't know what to believe whether she's NC or not. I know you and WDID think there's still contact. And you could be right. A big part of me thinks so. But I also think it's platonic in her mind. It's a problem if that's so and that's where I was going in my statement that I'm going to give her all the time she needs to figure it out until I can't give anymore. And if I look at it, the way she's been the last couple months makes me think she is NC but has the occasional trigger that sets her back. I just see us making more and more progress and if that's going on, then I see whatever contact there still might be going away.

Maybe I'm just a fool. But right now, until she's ready to talk and commit, I just have to act "as if" she's not talking to OM.