Before you ask any questions, ask yourself first, "How will knowing this help our future together?" Think about hearing her say the worst case scenario and whether that would help you or not.....I understand the need to fill the holes, but think about whether you may want to consider filling them with new thoughts and feelings rather than the old crap that may have happened. I would never want to answer specific questions with my H. I will if he wants to know, and we are stronger now and could maybe deal with it.....but, it would not help us. All it would do is have him look at me differently forever. I can't change what I did, I have to live with it in my own head forever. I can't bear the thought of seeing my H look at me the same way I look at myself right now. And, don't say you wouldn't look at her differently. You would. You already do with what you DO know.
I do think talking about how she let herself get to this place is good. Get ready to hear how you may have played a role in that. You will have to keep your anger in check because it will sound like she is blaming you. She isn't, she is just telling you how she got to that point as messed up as it was.
