Because I know if we can't get to the bottom of these things, then I'll never feel comfortable that it won't happen again.
I'm not going to beat her up and hold this over her head forever. I feel like I've mostly forgiven her although I don't know if I will ever fully forgive her if she doesn't come to grips with how she let herself go there, KWIM?
Well that's just smart, not unforgiving. Finding out WHY it happened is more important than WHAT happened. So it doesn't happen again. You don't sound vindictive to me.
A thought on the player thing...if the guy is a player then he probably does have some "irresistable" qualities about him that attract women. We'd all like to think we're above that sort of thing, but....
And maybe in some weird way, it was like "this ladies man picked ME." I don't know. I'm totally guessing. Probably he's the master at manipulating hurting women. Predators can smell that a mile away. Why is his W still with him BTW??
