Thank you for the advice, Dash, and the push to take control of the situation.
When I first read the DR, the MLC chapter seemed more applicable to me. I did not know about his A although I did suspect it for quite some time. I need to re-read DR and look at this forum for advice on handling EA/PA.
H has refused MC, but today he called to let me know he made appt for IC on Thursday! This is good news, right? Better he confide in a professional rather than OW. I wish I could be a fly on the wall during that session. I would love to know what he has been doing, who he has been doing it with, and more importantly, what his thoughts are about his life and marriage...
Triste,
I just posted this to someone else, but I think it applies to you as well (exchange "him" for "her", obviously):
Quote:
At this point, you have a marital problem, and a rather serious one at that. Marital problems require marital counseling -- not individual counseling (altho if your wife wants to do that IN ADDITION to the MCing, and if you can afford it, that's fine).
It seems to me, she either wants to be married to you, or she doesn't. If she does, it also seems reasonable to me for you to let her know of your own personal boundaries, and perhaps they are:
1) That you two go, together, to a good marriage counselor; and
2) That she end her affairs -- PERIOD.
Let her know that YOU are willing to work on any and all issues, including yours, but NOT while there is a third person in the marriage (it's almost entirely useless to MC while there's an active affair going on, much less multiple ones).
I would further let her know that DOING NOTHING is not an option for you. So either she wants to work on your marriage, or she's free to divorce you, but you don't intend to wait forever.
But that's just me. I've never used the phone counselors on this site, but I hear some of them are very good. I would recommend that the two of you see someone who specializes in infidelity, however.
If she refuses to go with you, or do joint phone MCing, then the counselors on this site might be able to help you individually in dealing with her.
