I think she is ashamed, too. It's so good you are giving her time before "talking about it". SOmeone told me an analogy once that fits here.....something about how you wouldn't operate on a sick person, you'd wait until they felt better. It's kinda like how you need to wait until your wife and your relationship heals first before you go into more of the pain of what happened.
I do hope you don't ask for too many details about the affair. When you get to that point, ask and say what you need to, but try to just look to the future and put the past behind you.
