Things are settling down...not sure that's good!

[Amy M]

LE...yea. I hadn't thought about it that way. When her H died, I was right there to help her out. I spent a week of my life making sure there was food at the house and that she ate something; talking to the coroner to get the death certificate issued; helping her go through his stuff; making sure there was toilet paper in the bathroom for the guests she had; making lists with her of all that needed to be taken care of and assigning folks to take care of the items on the list; talking to her for hours on end while she made no sense at all. Don't get me wrong, H was there...he just wasn't much support. OW was there as well. But, I was definitely the most caring of the group. They mostly sat around and drank beer...it was kind of disgusting when you think about it.

So, after some of the crisis died down I called her for a while. I took the boys to see her. I tried to be a friend. During some of that time OW was staying at her house and apparently on at least one occasion, "pretended" to go to work so that she and H could take my boat out for a day on the water.

After she decided not to go back to work, they got angry with her...so much for unconditional love. She and I still talked almost daily for a few weeks after that. Then, she "spilled" the beans. She said just enough for me to question her...she didn't actually tell me until I pushed a little. But, wow, then she just let the flood spill out. I told her after that first talk that I didn't want to discuss it anymore, but she couldn't let it go. Everytime she called, she'd start about them almost immediately. I finally just had to tell her that I couldn't be her friend if she kept talking about their A. So, we haven't talked since August...right after I confronted H about the A.

Yesterday was weird. You are right...she's resentful still. And, maybe she does feel guilty about hiding it. At the time, she and I weren't close. We knew each other, but she thought H was the greatest thing since sliced bread. After she lost her H and I was so much support for her, I'm sure she began to see things in a different light...and that's when she started feeling guilty.

She's very unstable...I don't know if she was before, but she is now. She's Catholic, but not a faithful Christian, so, you may be right...she may feel she's being punished for keeping their secrets. I don't know.

I would like to be able to help her cope, but I can't risk my sanity...hearing details about H's affair will not help my case at this point. And, after talking to her yesterday, I'm not sure she's moved past needing to tell me the details. She asked if H had ever come home. I simply said, "No. But, I'm doing well." Then she said, "I can't believe he won't come home, Amy. I mean, I heard him say she's a s$@*. So, I don't think he really wants to be with her." I just said, "Hey. We aren't gonna discuss any of that, okay?" She moved onto something else...but, it was enough to make me wary.

Hope you are doing well today!
Amy