The raw anger will fade, but it won't disappear. What will help is focusing on making your future your own, doing the paperwork, protecting yourself and your kids.
Hey, if she wants you to have the kids more, MORE power to ya! The kids are better than anything, in my book.
But I can understand the reason why would tick you off.
I hope they just let you put the house on the market and get rid of it. Her cut should assist her in finding a place to live.
i lost it. screaming at her Mike. The spew got me, 6 months of batting the chit away with me saying, you don't know I don't know what will happen but we both have opinions and then going round the same old circle of her demands which bascially fook me over and therefore fook the kids over. Me I can handle, stitching my kids up seeing the dad no siree.
Mediation.
she wants house, but can't get a mortgage as she doesn't work. She is on mental money due to depression. I will not be able to buy a place without a deposit and I cannot have the current mortgage against me else I cannot borrow enough to use a public toilet. She doesn't give a flying fook.
She wants me to have them every other weekend and mon/wed til bedtime then take them home. I want mon/wed and one weekend night overnight and all following day.
first A hurts because back then we were supposed to be trying. trying my arse. She says it was over in her head, well do something not cheat on me and your kids....yes, sucked into the drama on that and next statement.....it was just the way it was.
She also insulted me, lied about me regularly during mediation. She also called me a bad father and I will not take that for nobody. my boys are my world. I've tried to be nice, compromising for them. She is nothing to me now, but she still has some control over my future and that p1sse5 me off more tha anything in this world.
I am faxing stuff to sols tomorrow then arranging to see him this week. I'm hoping the fact she cannot get a mortgage might mean we sell the house, we can have a clean break and start over with me not having anything to do with her.
Yes, anger and hate is bad, it's where i'm at today. Sure 48 hours will pass, I'll know my legal stuff and be ok again, but today was the worst day off my life (removing hindsight and the day I met her)
all that you feel is quite normal. I will tell you it will get better. You and I have benn getting prepared for what we will facen now, since we came here.
I'm living proof that you can do this Arthur..I thought my life ended after my 1st D..it did not..I thought I never wanted to go through another one but I have and I am/will survive quite well after this one is done..
Negativity works against you..try to be positive if you can..I know it's hard..Hey..You do know CBK is in the alternate right?? It may be good for you to talk to him now...he thought his world sucked months ago but has found things are not as bad as they seem now..
Mike - I do know, believe me. I air what I'm feeling and what is going on, but it's still nice to be reassured. I actually feel I needed my outburst, she finally got what I really thought and all that built up frustration came out. The thing is, it doesn't actually matter that I reacted like that as I doing give a flying chit for her anymore. That she doesn't seem to get and I think she actually thinks I still want back in.
I don't often go on the other place, but maybe I should more.
Apologies for my language in the last few posts if they've offended anyone. I'm very angry right now and just type away as I think.
Hang in with me buddy, been great having you on from the off as we've been through similar behaviour and changes in ourselves and our lives. Same for others, the support here is great and I honestly think without it, I'd be in a much worse place.
I will share something that may help. My X lied to me recently did something I found very disrespectful. All I said the next day when she commented about something was, it is my responsibility when it comes to how you make me feel. I need to lower my expectations in regards to your actions, I can assure you I won't make the same mistake again.
Expect nothing from your X, and i can assure you in time you will no longer be dissapointed. Re set your boundries, do a quick deed and get off the house because you are Bat chitt crazy if you continue to pay for it my friend.
Plan your goals, re establish yourself and make your life with your children without her! Focus on you and your interaction with your kids. That is all you control the rest, dump it, it is a waste of time and emotional energy.
Like Mike said given time you will feel better, this doesn't last forever! But only you can decide how quickly you heal, it is in your hands and yours alone. If you are a spiritual person ask for help it will come. But ultimately what comes is something to show you how to heal yourself. God bless brother I am very sorry to hear of the emotional baggage you are still lugging around.
Time to lighten the load my friend, you can do it and you will! I have faith!
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
I will share something that may help. My X lied to me recently did something I found very disrespectful. All I said the next day when she commented about something was, it is my responsibility when it comes to how you make me feel. I need to lower my expectations in regards to your actions, I can assure you I won't make the same mistake again.
Expect nothing from your X, and i can assure you in time you will no longer be dissapointed. Re set your boundries, do a quick deed and get off the house because you are Bat chitt crazy if you continue to pay for it my friend.
Plan your goals, re establish yourself and make your life with your children without her! Focus on you and your interaction with your kids. That is all you control the rest, dump it, it is a waste of time and emotional energy.
Like Mike said given time you will feel better, this doesn't last forever! But only you can decide how quickly you heal, it is in your hands and yours alone. If you are a spiritual person ask for help it will come. But ultimately what comes is something to show you how to heal yourself. God bless brother I am very sorry to hear of the emotional baggage you are still lugging around.
Time to lighten the load my friend, you can do it and you will! I have faith!
goodfight makes a really good post here Arthur..you can do this man..
pick yourself up, dust yourself off..today/tomorrow is a new day..
Yeah. I do agree. Believe me sometimes I just need to practice what I preach. IMO she needed my outburst, so as I say I'm not bothered with how I reacted.
It's easier said than done re the settlement. You all know that is kinda out of my hands, the solicitors and courts will decide that.
slight update. Solicitor has rung back. I am scanning all docs with my BIL at 8am tomorrow and sending to him with an e-mail outlining everything thing as I see it. He will look through that then call me in for a meeting to discuss what our options are.
Didn't give to much away of the phone, guess no point given me false hope with seeing the stuff first.
Really hope that is before the weekend and I have better news so I can go out and semi celebrate !!!
Docs scanned first thing, e-mail sent and solicitor selcted late afternoon so hopefully some news tomorrow.
Parents evening this afternoon and oh what fun the STBX was. I find her very weird (why do i sound surprised ?? lol). Meet her in his class then other mum goes so were alone
B = Batchitt
B 'u spoke to sols yet ? A - Yeah, sent him docs to go through
on way to hall to met teacher
B - So you've accepted now you not getting any money ? A - I don't want to talk to you, were here for S6, the rest is for the sols
So we saw teacher and S6 doing as expected but I think he's come on leaps. he's the youngest in his year and in bottom 6 in his class at the english and maths, but i asked if he was the year younger (boys about 3-6 months behind apparently at this age) where would he be and the teacher said top part of middle.
So I drive STBX home to have the car and collect thee boys from my sis
B - so when u having them overnight (again) A - I replied couple back and forth then say, hang on hang on, I said no more talking bout this, I am not getting sucked in again like monday like I let myself and lost it. leave it, i will go silent B - So didn't you feel low when mediator said they will do better having over nights with both parent A - No, I know this is not my doing, it's like me asking do you not feel bad about ruining their lives by cheating on them and not trying...don't remember answer but said leave it again, i'm getting sucked in again. silent next time.
so we pull up at house and as she is getting out
B - So when u getting car A - I thought i had one this morning, then laughed and said, that's always the next line of attack after the over night issue.
so as sh's getting out i just say, see u later and got a bye.
oh, she also asked me at some point that S6 said i'd shouted at him a lot last time I had them and I said I don't recall that but they were fighting and winding each other a lot, so I might of said something. When i got to my sisters, after first telling S6 how great he was doing at school, i ask him and he said i was so I apologised. Then, it turns out after dropping them there and staying for a bit, STBX was heard by BIL shouting at S6.^, shut up, you do my head in. or words to that effect, so very hypercritical and I said nothing as harsh as that.
feeling much better already. Couple of beers on the way home wwith mates and now home ready for bed.
To engrossed in my story there. forgot what great time me and the boys had when back to my mums. We played loads, we play a game called crocodile. There are 2 single beds in room I'm in with about 2 ft gap in the middle, so I lay in the gap and am the coc, while S6 jumps across and I try and snap him. S2 bit small but I helped him jumping and he enjoying it, then the enevitable bash of head (sort of my fault) and it was a bang. Both are crying loud for a bit and I say maybe we should stop now so no more accidents. Miraculous recovery by S6 as he wants to do more..lol... S2 now ok, but sits and watches from the bed.
S6 was like, right that's about 4 or 5 great games we can now play when we see you next, so time with them is getting more fun all the time. We create more games and then the standard hide and seek, drawing, dancing etc. I have always beeen a big kid so I enjoy all this stuff.
To engrossed in my story there. forgot what great time me and the boys had when back to my mums. We played loads, we play a game called crocodile. There are 2 single beds in room I'm in with about 2 ft gap in the middle, so I lay in the gap and am the coc, while S6 jumps across and I try and snap him. S2 bit small but I helped him jumping and he enjoying it, then the enevitable bash of head (sort of my fault) and it was a bang. Both are crying loud for a bit and I say maybe we should stop now so no more accidents. Miraculous recovery by S6 as he wants to do more..lol... S2 now ok, but sits and watches from the bed.
S6 was like, right that's about 4 or 5 great games we can now play when we see you next, so time with them is getting more fun all the time. We create more games and then the standard hide and seek, drawing, dancing etc. I have always beeen a big kid so I enjoy all this stuff.
I love em so much.
Sounds like great fun. Glad you are having so much fun with them. I miss those days with my kids. Enjoy them while they still want to play with you. Oh and the bang on the head was inevitable once you described the game. You grabbing him and him falling head first into the other bed. Great boy game.
