the mlc files--I want to believe

[goldeylox]

Praying for you, Mama. Since our recent developments, I cannot leave the state for the holidays (unless Court agrees). So we will be 'alone' this year. Perhaps we should have a virtual DB Christmas Party?
I'll bring the mistletoe. Peace.

[hoosiermama]

Okey dokey! I'll bring the eggnog. Spiked with some good bourbon, of course.

[SirPrizeMe]

Hoozh -
some different perspective. I asked for 50/50 time with my kids and her response to me was "it's not good for their stability."

This to me is complete nonsense, because stability means a stable family with parents that work things out. But she is actually arguing that it is more stable for the kids if there are fewer "transitions", which means fewer times visiting me, which means less time with me.

So it is almost like I am the guy on the other side from you.

I want my kids but will not turn them into a tug-o-war rope. I will not.

[Dawn of Hope]

Hi, Dawn--

I think we may be married to the same guy!

Hi, Hooz,
Oh good grief, I hope not! My H is Catholic (I'm Protestant, although I don't 'protest' too much ), but decided pretty early that he wasn't cut out for priesthood--I think it was the celibacy thing. But...he did music in his church every week for the first 10 years we were married. After his mother got Alzheimer's, though, his church attendance fell off gradually, and he's been a Christmas & Easter-only attender for several years now (his mother died three years ago, after deteriorating for about six years). He told me once that what happened to his mother made him mad at God, and I guess he hasn't gotten over that yet. Then a month or so after the bomb last year, he told me he wasn't sure he believed in God, and even if he did, he wasn't sure he cared what God thought. That was the thing that shocked me most about this whole thing, but my pastor told me this was common for MLC/adulterers. Then later, of course, when this came up again, H claimed he never said that, or I misinterpreted it, or something. Whatever, H.

I don't know what faith his OW professes, but on her MySpace page she identifies it as "other"--maybe she's another Wicca woman??! She's much younger than your H's OW though--in 1986, H and I were in college and had been dating for a year, and this OW was still in diapers!!

BTW--I'm neither strong nor courageous. I have pretty much folded under the pressure.

Well, you could have fooled me! You are sticking up for your D, and determined not to let your H walk all over you, I hope!

I'd be happy to smack your OW--where's she from?!

Oh, good! Smack my H two or three times too while you're at it, would you? She is from a tiny little town on the southern edge of your state (town name's initials are F K--I'm slightly leery of spelling it out here on a public forum), just across the state line from Lou-ville (where she goes to college). Her last name is Smith, which means that I feel sick every time I run across the most common surname in the US!

My H won't be in St. Louis; he's on call in the hospital on Thanksgiving.

That's really too bad--I was looking forward to giving him 'what for' on your behalf!!

I think most of the rest of the family will be there, tho; the BIL and SIL live in Chesterfield. Altho the SIL and BIL here may not go since her father was just buried. If that's the case, D won't want to go. I hope that's what happens.

I lived in Chesterfield between graduating college and marrying H, then moved to our current home, about 20 minutes away! Small world...! Y'know, I've had a lot of clients who live in Chesterfield, and I go to church there, too...wonder if I've met your relatives??!

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. Same to you!

Thank you so much! I am grateful for all I can get! I don't know what else to tell you, because I think you are doing the best you can under the circumstances, but the circumstances are just...ugly! Just want to let you know that you have my support!

Peace and blessings,
Dawn

[hoosiermama]

Hoozh -
some different perspective. I asked for 50/50 time with my kids and her response to me was "it's not good for their stability."

This to me is complete nonsense, because stability means a stable family with parents that work things out. But she is actually arguing that it is more stable for the kids if there are fewer "transitions", which means fewer times visiting me, which means less time with me.

So it is almost like I am the guy on the other side from you.

I want my kids but will not turn them into a tug-o-war rope. I will not.

Hi, Sir.

Gosh, I said almost the same thing to H. He chose to live across town--so it's at least a half-hour drive, longer during rush hour. I said I found it confusing and difficult to keep up with her schoolwork and activities (I was always the one who did that, not him) and difficult for her. I really think he's requesting this so that he doesn't have to pay support, tho--he only saw her once or twice a week over the summer, really only had her 3 days a week a couple of times so far because he cancelled out. And he knows I can't make it without support (which is why I'm not making it now). And then he asked me what I thought was fair.

Like you, complete nonsense. What's fair is that he tell OW to take a hike and come on back home where he belongs so that he can spend as much time with D as he wants, as a family. What's fair is that he puts her at the top of his list, rather than OW and playing in his band. What's fair is that he would have told me he was unhappy before leaving and saying "it's too late now, you should have known."

H even said that I was trying to decrease his time with her because I told him he shouldn't have her on Tuesday nights because of church Christmas choir (7-9 pm). I reminded him that I suggested he have her on a weekend day (or night--whatever) instead so they could have more time together. Oh, yeah--he did remember that. And appreciates it. See--he only remembers the negative parts.

I don't want her turned into a tug-of-war rope either. But I've lost so much else lately because of H's profoundly selfish choices--I don't want to lose my daughter half the time too. And no, I don't think that's best for her.

[hoosiermama]

More later on the rest, but--

I know FK. I've always loved that name. I also know of Bacon, Pumpkin Center, Smedley, Pilot Knob, Dogwood, Vienna (that's Vy-enna), Riddle, Hogtown, Carefree, Sassafras, Birdseye, Starlight, Siberia, Broom Hill, and Ferdinand, Terry, Gerald, Elizabeth, Ethel, and Georgetown, Edwardsville, Scottsville (and Scottsburg), and Charlestown. Quite picturesque names for a very pretty--and very rural--area.

[SirPrizeMe]

Yes, I can see.. .it's very difficult.

[hoosiermama]

Hi again, Dawn--

Then a month or so after the bomb last year, he told me he wasn't sure he believed in God, and even if he did, he wasn't sure he cared what God thought. That was the thing that shocked me most about this whole thing, but my pastor told me this was common for MLC/adulterers.

I have no idea what H really believes. I truly never put it all together before the bomb, but knowing him well and having had many theological talks with him over the years--it seems to be all external. All what serves him. And this A is just a furthering of that--so I doubt it challenges his "faith." I know, I know--he was a monk for almost 2 years. And I would have loved to be around to see that from the inside of the monastery, because introspection is not his forte. I really think it was about living the priesthood-like life as completely as possible (before being ordained) and being in a place of safety when my life was rather less than safe. And yeah--the celibacy thing. He dated when he was in the seminary, hung onto a relationship with me as long as he could (fence-sitting or cake-eating, whatever) in the monastery (but hey, I may be the only woman ever to ring the bells there!). And ironically, our marriage became pretty darn celibate.

That's really too bad--I was looking forward to giving him 'what for' on your behalf!!

Oh, feel free to go on over anyway. The whole family has been squirrely. Knock some sense into them.

I lived in Chesterfield between graduating college and marrying H, then moved to our current home, about 20 minutes away! Small world...! Y'know, I've had a lot of clients who live in Chesterfield, and I go to church there, too...wonder if I've met your relatives??!

Yeah, maybe in one of those little gourmet grocery/deli stores.

Thank you so much! I am grateful for all I can get! I don't know what else to tell you, because I think you are doing the best you can under the circumstances, but the circumstances are just...ugly! Just want to let you know that you have my support!

Thank you!

Peace and all good to you.

[hoosiermama]

Hi again, Dawn--

Then a month or so after the bomb last year, he told me he wasn't sure he believed in God, and even if he did, he wasn't sure he cared what God thought. That was the thing that shocked me most about this whole thing, but my pastor told me this was common for MLC/adulterers.

I have no idea what H really believes. I truly never put it all together before the bomb, but knowing him well and having had many theological talks with him over the years--it seems to be all external. All what serves him. And this A is just a furthering of that--so I doubt it challenges his "faith." I know, I know--he was a monk for almost 2 years. And I would have loved to be around to see that from the inside of the monastery, because introspection is not his forte. I really think it was about living the priesthood-like life as completely as possible (before being ordained) and being in a place of safety when my life was rather less than safe. And yeah--the celibacy thing. He dated when he was in the seminary, hung onto a relationship with me as long as he could (fence-sitting or cake-eating, whatever) in the monastery (but hey, I may be the only woman ever to ring the bells there!). And ironically, our marriage became pretty darn celibate.

That's really too bad--I was looking forward to giving him 'what for' on your behalf!!

Oh, feel free to go on over anyway. The whole family has been squirrely. Knock some sense into them.

I lived in Chesterfield between graduating college and marrying H, then moved to our current home, about 20 minutes away! Small world...! Y'know, I've had a lot of clients who live in Chesterfield, and I go to church there, too...wonder if I've met your relatives??!

Yeah, maybe in one of those little gourmet grocery/deli stores.

Thank you so much! I am grateful for all I can get! I don't know what else to tell you, because I think you are doing the best you can under the circumstances, but the circumstances are just...ugly! Just want to let you know that you have my support!

Thank you!

Peace and all good to you.

[hoosiermama]

Yes, I can see.. .it's very difficult.

???