2 weeks to get ready for The R Talk......

[Dawn of Hope]

Hi Dawn great to hear from you.Cant imagine what it must be like to live with such depression. You seem able to "step outside it" though and talk rationally about yourself and your feelings.

Hi, Arianne,
Well, it probably has something to do with the fact that I've been through a LOT of therapy and self-analysis. And truth is, I don't really know what it's like to be "normal" (although I'm much better when I'm on functional ADs), and you don't really miss what you've never had--or at least not as much.

Your husband is still at home- that must mean something-

On my more cynical days I think it just means that he is a coward and can't make a decision to save his life! I used to think it was just a matter of finances, but the fact that he's still sleeping in the same bed with me (even though he doesn't touch me, ever) instead of moving to another room tells me there's something else going on there.

-mine dropped the bomb in a talk taking all of 10 minutes then ran like a rabbit!

Wow, that must have been rough! See first half-sentence of paragraph above!

I used to pray so hard for God to send him back. Then,after about a year I started to pray that God sent him peace and clarity whatever happened. A very good Christian friend told me that when you ask God for something you get one of 3 answers. "Yes" "Yes but not yet" or " No because this isnt right for you" I hope in my case its number 2 but must accept whatever.

Yes, I think that is right. Yes, no, or wait. I believe that a piece of paper does not dissolve what God has put together, so I will be married to my H in God's eyes for the rest of our lives regardless of what H does or what happens legally. So if you adhere to that belief, the only possible answer about M restoration is that God is saying "wait."

I am trying to focus on what *I* need to do/change to be ready for restoration of my M, and to draw closer to God, and also praying for similar divine guidance for H. I don't feel that I should tell God what to do, so a lot of the time, I find myself just praying that I, H, and OW will all be guided to God's perfect path for each of us. I believe that God hates divorce, so God's perfect path for H and me will include restoration of our M, and OW's perfect path will lead away from us.

Dawn I do wish you peace and joy also have you got nice things in mind for Christmas? Arianne

Thank you! I wish you the same!

Gosh, Christmas...that's six weeks away, and I barely know what my life is going to be like next week! Thanksgiving is only 2-1/2 weeks away, and I don't even know where I'm going to spend that holiday! I don't know if H will still be living here for either of those or what...I've seen a few possible signs that he *may* be planning to move out, but nothing definite. I do know he has bought tickets for himself and OW to see a show in early January in the area where she lives, so obviously no immediate plans to break that off. We are scheduled to be with my family of origin for Christmas--my family is quite small (4 people, if you count H and me!) and we decided several years ago not to exchange gifts, but H and I always tried to make each other feel really loved by great gifts on special occasions. H's family is much larger (more like 20 people, if you include H's siblings (2 sibs) and their kids/grandkids/spouses/significant others/stepkids) and they still give gifts, so they spill halfway across the room from the tree because there are so many. Most of the time, H and I can fit all of the gifts we have received from his family for Christmas into one envelope (lots of gift certificates)! Not much of a load to carry home!

Last Christmas was awkward; only 2 months post-bomb, H waffling in a major way about staying with me vs. moving out (as he still seems to be waffling, last I heard, but don't really know). We did give each other gifts, but nothing very personal, and I made sure my main gift to him was returnable in case he didn't get me anything. I had told my family about the sitch but wouldn't tell H exactly *what* I had told them, and when we were with H's family (only 2 of whom knew anything about the sitch with H and me, as far as I know), I felt sad because I kept thinking that this might be the last time I ever saw some of these people, who, even if I didn't always fully appreciate them, had been a part of my life for 20 years. Also, at the time my H was still holding my hand and snuggling with me some and kissing me hello and goodbye, but all of that stopped months ago. We're like roommates now, sort of. Ugh!!

Well, I didn't mean to go on and on about myself on your thread! I just ramble a lot...! How about you; what do you plan to make your holidays special? (I need to take my own advice!)

Peace and blessings,
Dawn