For the Guy with Kids and a WW Diciotto

[hopeful4her]

I'm back. And exhausted. A long, emotional weekend. For more reasons than the funeral, of course.

Thank ya'll so much for the concern.

Too tired to go into too much detail. Of course, I start a lot of my posts saying that.

The wife and I had a short conversation that maybe it was better not to take the girls to the funeral. I'm decided to leave for Laredo Saturday night. After getting D7 to my parents, I find out my sister is off on Monday, so she offered to take care of the kids until getting them off to school on Monday, so that I could stay for the funeral. So I take off for Laredo at about 6pm Saturday. The wife had called me as I was getting ready at the house and I told her my plans. She said to just call her when I get in. I can bunk with her and her sister in the room.

When I finally get there, the wife is making plans to go eat with some family and is inviting me. She is holding her cousin's two year old. The wife and I got a thing for babies. She is showing him to me and I'm right there caressing the baby and we are both saying how beautiful the baby is. We are telling each other.

"OOhhhhh. I love him. This is just what I needed. I big hug."

In the room, I find out that SIL had intended to only stay Friday and leave first thing Saturday morning, but she changed her mind to be there for her sister. But she brought not clothes with her. She wants to just drive back to San Antonio, pick up some clothes and come right back. Maybe 5 hours round trip. She only spent $10 in gas to get there, so she figured it was cheaper than buying new clothes. She says she is broke though. The wife too. She says that her and my wifes account is like down to nothing. I give her $20 for gas and I go meet wife downstairs.

She is faxing something to the funeral home. Standing there with her, she takes a call.

"Hi.....going out to eat with some family.....yeah.....I'm ok.......ok......I'll call you later.......yes, I'll call you later........I'll talk to you later.......yes, Roger is here........I'll call you later."

Nice start. Could only one person.

I offer to drive to the Micky D that the cousin wants to go to. Just her and I. I tell her that SIL decided to to get clothes so I gave her $20.

"What? Why did you give her $20?"
"She said she was broke. That both of you were broke."
"I was going to pull out some money to give her. And why was she telling you that? Why did that come up in conversation."
"I'm not even sure" I tell her.

Man, her defenses were up quick. She tells me to go on in, she is going to call her sister. I play it cool. I leave her outside and go in and order an ice cofee. She follows about 5 minutes later. She asks if I ordered. I say I just wanted a coffee.

"Are you hungry. Do you want to order something?" she ask me.
I look at her dead in the eye, "I just wanted a coffee." I repeated again. We go sit down with her young cousins family. I have lot of fun with his 4 year old son. We are talking super hero's. Doing this helped the thaw, I think. They finish their meal and we end up going back. The drive was quiet. Uncomfortable. Like I didn't really know what to say. I think I was still kinda shocked that she took OM's call in front of me. Like she was trying to purposely send a message to me.

We get to the hotel, and SIL has already left. We are alone for pretty much the rest of the night. Stuck there together. I stand and watch the tv for a second and she says she is going to change and hit the bed. She is tired. She tells me to take one bed and her and SIL will sleep together on the other. I say ok. She goes go grab her PJ's and walks toward the bathroom. I take the opportunity to walk to her and block her way. I put out a hand, slip it around her waist, pull her to me, and put my other around high on her back. She completely breaks down. I'm holding her. Squeezing her. Caressing her back, her hair. She is crying and crying. I'm consoling her. We stand there for maybe 5 minutes. Her arms are around my waist. We finally let go, I grab some tissues for her. She gathers herself and goes to change.

It was what we needed. Her laying on one bed and me laying on the other, facing each other, we just start to talk. About everything going on. Her dad. His wife. She described what happened the morning of his passing. An hour later, I'm holding her again while she is laying in bed. Consoling her. She lets me know how hard of an evening she had the night before. After another hour or more talking, she says goodnight and is OUT. I bring out a trash can because she also told me how she was throwing up last night. I change and lay down on the other bed. SIL calls and I talk her into staying and coming back in the morning.

In the morning, I go grab some coffee's for us. I make hers for her, the way she likes it. Back upstairs, I shower, shave and change before she wakes up. We discuss what we would like to get done before the rosary in the evening. She gets a couple calls that she ignores. I couple texts that she ignores. We are talking about her bank account. The hotel is holding some funds and throwing her into the negative. She takes a call from her mother.
"Yes......no.......in separate beds......" They talk for a bit.

We get ready. She says she needs to go check her account on the computer downstairs, so I stay in the room.

She calls me from downswtairs and asks me to come down to grab some breakfast. Eating and a little chit chat. We head back upstairs to watch Joel Osteen. After its over, we talk a little more. She asks a question about transferring money, but then remembers it is Sunday. She gets a call and tells me that she needs to take the call. She head out the door and answers the phone.

At least she went out into the hall. She comes back in, goes into her purse and gives him her account number from a card. She pauses and then she says,

"Thanks. I appreciate it. I said I APPRECIATE IT!.......SH*T!" She walks back out the door. "......I SAID........." Slam!

Her reliable Cheater phone.

She comes back in. I ask her if she is ready to go and we leave. I'm a little quiet, but I get over it. I remind myself to have no expectaions. Besides, the end of that conversation sounded like some trouble.

And for the rest of the time in Laredo, she NEVER once had to open her own door. Anywhere. Car, store, or building. I was there. SIL, too.

We end up going and looking for a flower shop, going to the mall to shop, grabbing a small bite to eat. Finding some clothes for her, which she asks my opinion on. Finding some shirts for me, which I ask HER opinion on. Finding some pants on sale for D7. We go searching for the Funeral home, so that we won't get lost later and head back to the hotel to change clothes. On the way back, she wonders if maybe FIL's obituary is in the Sunday paper. I stop off at a convenience store, grab us some drinks, She gets some candy, and I find the paper. I pay and we leave. We start our usual of people watching and making comments. On the way, she is looking through the paper. Then....

"OH!!!" She begins weeping again. Sobbing. She found it. His obit and picture. I put my arm around her and keep driving. I almost had to pull over but she composed herself again. She is fine by the time we get back to the hotel. Tired, she lays down for a bit on the bed and dozes off. I sit on the sofa and start to doze off, too. I set my phone alarm. As I'm covering her with a sheet from my bed, she wakes up and thanks me.

I wake us up and we start to prepare our clothes and I discover that I forgot my slacks! She says there is a Wallymart down the road, so I haul butt and come back. By this time, SIL is back and getting ready. We all finally get ready and sit to relax a bit. Wifes phone rings again, and again she takes it and walks toward the bathroom area.

SIL starts to talk to me. Telling me this and that. Like she is trying to distract me. I hear a few things.

"Thanks......are you still at work.........yes........yes...." speaking softly. Then she hangs up and comes back, "I do NOT want more drama" she says a bit uptight. She can see that I'm a little upset again. We all leave and walk out to my vehicle. I walk ahead of them and at the car, she asks me, "How do I look?" I tell her she looks just fine and I get in.

I did some more consolling at the rosary. Her sister did a lot too. She actually got in the way more than a couple times. The hardest part for me was being introduced to a lot of family I hadn't met. First as Roger, then later as her her HUSBAND Roger. I found that hard. After the rosary, I kind of stood back and let her be with family. Pictures, talking, memories. It felt like I shouldn't be there. Like why is she saying that I'm her husband.

At one point, before the rosary started, fave aunt come up to her. All I heard was wife sobbing again. They were hugging each other. The wife kept crying. And at one point was wailing, "...BECAUSE I'M SO ASHAMED....."

That was an interesting comment. Later after the rosary, I just hang outside smoking a couple cigs, when they finally come out. She says that the family is meeting at a restaurant. She looks at me and asks me, "Whats the matter?" I tell her nothing is wrong, but she knows me. Inside the car, she asks, "Did you feel out of place?"

"Yeah, a little bit."
"I was introducing you. I think I introduced you to everyone except those last couple of cousins." I didn't tell her that it was the husband part.

I let her know I'm fine. We end up having a very nice evening talking to alot of family. Lots of memories for her. She is sitting next to me and we are both looking at photo's. Shoulder to shoulder and arm to arm. Joking with each other. Laughing together. We head back, and change and she hits the bed again. SIL wants the sofa bed, so I take the bed again.

I know she got some texts that she didn't reply to.

Hmmmm.

I wake up extra early this morning and call my sister at my house. I talk to Amanda and tell her good morning. I remind her to get her sister up and ready. Juli won't wake up. I go over to the wife and wake her up. I give her the phone. She talks to Amanda and then asks her to put the phone in Juli's ear. They finish and the wife is asleep again. I go get some coffee's for all of us. I come back and wake them up. We had to be at the funeral home at 9:30.

While SIL is in the shower, I see the wife sit down on the bed and start to cry. I sit next to her and hold her again. She is upset the her mother is not going to come and go to the funeral. She is very upset. She says she is done with her mother. I agree with her and let her know that it is always her trying to make her mother happy. Then she talks about her dad and her mom. How her mom always talked bad about her dad.

Crying, she says "We need to keep a good relationship. For our kids."

I stayed quiet, I just sat there with her.

We get ready, pack up the room, go downstairs and see some other family members eating. We load up our cars, and go back to check the room. SIL starts to eat. Coming back down, in the elevator, I tell the wife that her new outfit she bought was a good choice. She looks pretty. She thanks me. Then she says that IF she has to ride in a limo, will I please ride with her. I say of course I will.

At the breakfast bar, I grab another coffee and we go to find a spot. Turns out, she is sitting with the family, and she saved a seat next to her. She made SIL sit at the next table. We go to the breakfast bar and she decides she wants a waffle. I only grab another coffee. She asks me if I would share it with her and agree. So we sit with each other, share a waffle together and then leave for the funeral home.

We stay at the funeral home for a short while and then have a procession to the church. On the way, I notice the wife looking very sad, so I reach over and pat her hand. I keep my hand on hers and after a couple minutes, she opens it and we hold hands until we get to the church. Maybe, the last 15 minutes of the drive.

We attend the service and then we head to the cemetary. She is in a better spirit for the ride to the cemetary. At the cemetary, I stand behind her chair. I console a bit again. So does SIL. The wife is presented with her dad's flag that draped his coffin. Very emotional. After the funeral, the wife, SIL and myself decide to go eat at the wifes fav restaurant. While there, we check our phones. We talk about how many missed calls we got. We order and then I get a text from Beej, I had just got a big grin. I know she noticed it.

I know that during the church service, she got at least two texts. She didn't look at them, just turned off her phone.

While at the restaurant, I get a call from fave aunt. She wanted to see us before we left and they wanted to buy us lunch. I invite them and we all sit to eat. Some crying between them both over lunch. We say our goodbyes and head back to their cars at the hotel. The wife and I decide to change into some more comfortable clothes in the hotel bathroom. SIL decides to stay for a little bit to wait for another aunt to make picture copies. We HAVE to leave in order for us to get back to pick up D7 on time. I ask her to meet me at the Shell down the street. I had checked her oil and water. I filled her up with some antifreeze she had.

She would not buy antifreeze on her own. She had two jugs.

I let her know she is two quarts low.

We meet at the shell. I fill up and she is on the other side of the pump. She asks me if I want a water, I say yes and she goes inside. I go buy some oil, fill her up and start to clean her windshield. I finish, she gives me the water and stands in front of me. She tells me thanks. I give her a hug. We stand there hugging for a bit. Then she pulls out the wooden cross that I have around my neck and puts it ouside my shirt and pats it on my chest. She is starting to cray. I grab her hand, put it onto my heart, hold it there and look into her eyes. Then she moves forward and her head bows forward a little. Her forehead is right in front of my mouth because she is short. Holding her hand to my heart, I put my lips on her forehead and keep them there for a moment. She is just that height. I then kiss her forehead, and tell her to be careful. She is trying so hard to not cry and not doing a very good job of it. She looks so....guilty. We hit the road.

We get into town just in time to pick up D7 at daycare. I call the wife and ask her if she wants me to pick up some chicken so that she doesn't have to cook.

"I don't even think I HAVE anything to cook. Sure, just get something for the kids. I'm not that hungry."

I buy the family order, a bucket of sweet tea and a dozen brownies. We have family dinner together and we all discuss the weekend the kids had. I was there maybe and hour and a half. Juli gets in the shower, I help Amanda with a project that was due. We had a really nice evening. I help put food away and then say my goodbyes. The wife starts to water some of her plants and then says that she needs to go grab some stuff from her car.

Her clothes could have waited. She didn't have to get them right then and there. She is off of work tomorrow. She'll have time. At our cars, which are parked next to each other, she comes over to me again and just stands there.

"Thanks, again."
"What?"
"I wanted to thank you, again.....thanks for being there for me."
I grab her again and hold her tight. I whisper to her that I always will. That was not going to let her go through something like that by herself. That I couldn't imagine losing a parent. While holding each other, we talk about my grandfather and grandmother. My parents. We break our embrace and just look at each other. She tells me that if I want, I can bring the dog and whatever clothes the girls left at the house by in the morning on my way to work. We talk about what she'll be doing in the morning. Her normal routine of taking all the kids to school. I let her know that worse case, I'll just go after work, pick up the dog and come back with everything. She says, "Oh, okay."

Beej, that's what I meant. Hard for me, but possibly good for us in the long run. She was able to experience some of the best part of me.

And she is feeling it. I treated her lovingly and respectfully(though she may not have deserved it). But she knows that I will always be there for her. And she still knows my feelings for her, I believe.

And I'm dozing off writing this.