Peace - I don't have any answers for you as we are in very similar places - more than you could ever know. I was catching up on your thread tonight and was just shaking my head at some of the things that are the same (income tax return).
Someone else posted that if you are still asking the question on whether or not you should or shouldn't proceed, you are more than likely not ready to make this decision. I, too, was filled with indecision. However, the latest girlfriend was the proverbial straw for me. I was willing to accept almost anything, including his other affair. But what he is doing now, I simply can't. And, Peace, it was very clear to me - I have not been second guessing myself at all.
You say that part of you feels like you want your H to return one day. That says to me that you shouldn't be proceeding. What does it hurt to wait? Why is it in your best interest to get a D and get everything legal. If you are okay financial and you continue to live your life and you aren't just sitting around the house "w8ing" (wink, wink), why take any other step? Getting a D won't give you closure if you haven't decided that this is what you really want and need to do at this point. It simply finalizes the process legally. The doesn't mean that it finalizes the process in your head and your heart. Court papers simply can't do that.
When you have this many questions, Peace, it is time to be still.
