the mlc files--I want to believe

[Dawn of Hope]

There IS no "understanding" wayward behavior, or at least there is no logical way to understand it. He is basically lashing out at YOU, for HIS moral shortcomings and guilt at this point. As sick as it sounds, YOU are the embodiment of everything he hates about HIMSELF right now.

You hear this in the dialogue of cheating spouses all the time. Things like "Oh, you're SOOOO perfect, aren't you!" and "Your self-righteousness nauseates me!" and "Oh, you can do NO WRONG in anyone's eyes, can you?!!"

Puppy,
Thank you for pointing this out. I now feel better about the completely out-of-left-field, unprovoked comment I got from my H around the beginning of this year: "YOU think you're better than me because I've been 'having an affair' and you haven't." And during the bomb conversation, when he spent about three hours telling me how terribly I had treated him, and how much better he felt with OW, and I was just sitting listening and keeping my reactions under tight control so that I wouldn't completely explode, he sneered at me, saying something along the lines of, "And now you're doing your ice-princess thing and going silent on me." To which I quietly said, "Would you prefer that I scream and yell and throw things?" Completely, utterly baffling! <SIGH>

Hooz,
I don't know what to tell you that you don't already know, but I do admire your strength and courage. BTW, I live in the St. Louis area--if you'd like to tell me how and when to find your H while he's here, I'll go smack him for ya! My H's OW is from your state, so maybe you can do the same for me when my H goes to visit her!

...it's hard to believe that he hates anything about himself these days!! He's a great guy, entitled to nothing but perfection. No doubt believes he was a wonderful husband. Great chaplain, swell candidate for priesthood. I would agree that I am the embodiment of everything he hates in the world, tho.

I get the impression that my H hates me too, although my friend who is close to both of us says no. Don't you want to say to him, "What the ^&*( did I ever do to you that you are treating me this way?" I do, but then I'm afraid he would go ahead and tell me!

Hang in there, Hooz! I'm thinking of you and praying for you!

Peace and blessings,
Dawn