He is having an EA, maybe a PA

[Dash]

After he got home from work yesterday, he was laying face down on floor, watching TV with our son. Said he was feeling sick because he has not been eating well lately. I think he was sick with a case of the guilts!

I wouldn't count on a case of the guilts while he's in the "fog". It's not likely to happen. In fact, he's probably figuring out how his A is your fault. Believe me, he'll find a way to put it on you. In his twisted world you are the cause of all of his unhappiness. You are the reason he had to seek comfort from someone else.

Puppy, I like your idea of setting boundaries, it is a lot more empowering than saying nothing at all. The problem is, if I say "I can't live in a marriage where my husband..." he will just say "are you asking me to move out?" and then he could very well do that. Not what I want right now, but a few more weeks of this and I will be showing him the door out.

Tell him that decision is his. He is the one with OW, not you. He's the one in control right now, you have to take back control of the situation. I wish I had known long before I did about my W's A, I would have had time to deal with it then instead of getting hit with the bomb. Had I had time to be angry about it then I probably wouldn't have said anything to her, I would have just packed her clothes for her without saying a word. And left her to be the one scrambling to pick up the pieces. Instead I handed her everything she wanted without even knowing I was doing so.

You have to be the one in charge. The outcome may not be what you want, but you cannot stand idly by and do nothing. Be proactive. The reason so many of LBS's are scrambling to put our marriages and lives back together now is that we weren't proactive. Force his hand.

Do you have the DR book? If not, get it. He has to make a choice, and he most likely will not until he's so fogged in that you won't recognize him any longer or until you force him to do so.

As Puppy said, it doesn't have to be an ultimatum, make it his choice.

Best of luck Triste,

Dash