...and keep driving by the Playboy Mansion. Maybe those RedBull gals are still there. LOL. Thumbs up. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
You know Frank, I don't really give a rats asss what her love language is.
This is about you being a quality man, a person of character who treats people the way he wants to be treated.
You always have been a stand up guy frank and not for nothing, but it doesnt matter what she thinks or says or does about it. Keep up the great work of being the best person you can be my friend.
You always have been a stand up guy frank and not for nothing, but it doesnt matter what she thinks or says or does about it. Keep up the great work of being the best person you can be my friend.
I do and I am. Thanks Ian, FIB, and everyone else.
Scarcity mentality is a state of seeing everything in your life as limited and scarce. It makes you hang onto a bad relationship, bad job, etc., because a bad one is better than none at all, where an abundance mentality is a state of seeing everything as a journey to better and better things, knowing that you can create your opportunities and do what is necessary to reach your goals.
You ARE a standup guy frank. Keep going. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
today I had a meeting with a company who wants to partner with me to sell my software. They are sure they can sell 10 copies over the next year. I've got two already in financing right now.
Other business has been coming in and by next week I'm pretty sure I can pay up the mortgage so I'm even again.
After I came back from this meeting I told D17 how well it went and that we're going to have a good 2009 financially.
I was in my office and W knocked on the door. I told her to come in and she stood there kind of quiet and said "Congratulations on your deal" and I said "which deal?". She said "D17 told me your meeting went well". So I told her how it went, and what I intended to do to pay off our debts and taxes.
And I told her that since our house is worth about $20k less than what we owe it would be simplest if she just signed it over to me and I'll keep paying it till it has value some day.
She seemed shocked by that, and started to say "I'll have to ask my legal adviser" but stopped.
She then went on to say thank you to me for letting her have her thursday night dinner / hang out here at the house. She said she looks forward to it all week.
I just smiled at her and she then turned and left.
after she left I went to our mortgage lenders site and got the numbers we owe, and then got a listing of houses that are for sale in our area for what we owe.
I went to her 'room' as she was checking her email and asked her if she had a minute. So I sat down and said that I felt that I wasn't as appreciative of her congratulations, and I didn't say 'thank you' for it. So I said 'thank you', I appreciate it.
I also showed her the numbers I had and explained that I wasn't being unrealistic, that if we get divorced she'd end up paying me half the negative equity and I'm offering to just absorb it.
I also said that I intend to pay off as much as our debt as possible in the next few months. I said that I know she "can't be around me" but I'm not going to let her go off and be broke. I said it's not the right thing to do and I wouldn't do that to her.
So she says in kind of a neutral but slightly annoyed tone "You don't have to worry about protecting yourself, I'm not going to come after you for anything".
I said "A couple months ago you said I was trying to steal the house from you so I'm just making sure you know where things are at."
A little later I ran into W in the kitchen. She was getting her stuff together to go home.
She paused and said "I really don't know how to respond to what you said a few minutes ago"
I said "I don't know what you mean, did I offend you? That wasn't my intention"
She said "no, I just don't know if I believe your evaluation on the house and stuff. I have to check into it myself. I'm glad you want to help pay down the debt. I want to do what I can too but I can't do very much"
I said "ok, I just wanted to make sure I didn't offend you. If you like I'll try not to talk to you as much."
her: "No, I think it's great that we've been talking more and getting along more. I just want our parting of ways to be amicable"
I just said "ok, well I'll talk to you some other time. bye"
Good interaction Frank. You sound quite detached from W and her fantasy world now.
From the hesitation you describe of her, it sounds like she has no plan. What legal advisor? I wonder if she has even looked for a lawyer that she could afford. She does not totally trust you on your house fiancials, but I doubt she will check in to it.
I think your W has jumped out of an airplane without the chute. Be cautious because if one of you do file for a D, she may discover she has no chute on and it could get hostile in negotiations. It is in a lot of peoples nature to deflect blame in their life failures to others and you would be the prime candidate.
Do you love her still?
I know they say to keep low expectations, but where do you wish to see yourself in 5 years?
I think your W has jumped out of an airplane without the chute. Be cautious because if one of you do file for a D, she may discover she has no chute on and it could get hostile in negotiations. It is in a lot of peoples nature to deflect blame in their life failures to others and you would be the prime candidate
Couldn't agree with Kerry more....me being the case in point.
Frank...you sound like you're in a good place. I wish to post something you sent to me...as a reminder....and supporting Kerry's impression on jumping without a chute:
Quote:
Doom, gloom, laziness, and cowardice are insidious foes that can slowly creep into the lives of the best of people when they are having a weak moment, and slowly erode their self-esteem until there is nothing left of them. It can happen so slowly that you never see it happen, rather like the frog who would jump if dropped into a pot of boiling water but would lie still and boil to death if placed in cool water and slowly heated on the stove until it boiled.
When somebody wants help and is willing to participate in it, go for it if you can afford to and want to, but you cannot allow someone, no matter what kind of plea they make to you, to dump their problems on you and expect you to fix it for them when they are not willing to be a part of the solution and work for it.
These kinds of people, no matter how they approach you, can do nothing but destroy your life if you let them, and you have to cut them off, even if you have made the mistake of marrying them, if you are ever to find true happiness. You can't take responsibility for curing a problem they don't want to cure.
Some would say that is a cruel attitude, but I submit that it is not cruelty but justice, as they are getting exactly what they have earned. It is also justice that if they should manage to turn their life around that you give them an opportunity to show they have achieved it. You should celebrate it with them if they have done so instead of holding an eternal grudge based on some ridiculous emotional idea like "they didn't think me important enough to straighten up for me."
People with problems fix their problems for themselves, not for anyone else. That is the meaning of the old saying about leading a horse to water but not being able to make them drink. They will drink if and when they are thirsty, not when you tell them you want them to drink because you want to be that important to them that they would do it for you.
Stay strong. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
From the hesitation you describe of her, it sounds like she has no plan. What legal advisor? I wonder if she has even looked for a lawyer that she could afford. She does not totally trust you on your house fiancials, but I doubt she will check in to it.
I gave her the printouts so she can show them to someone else and see that what I said is accurate. She's just uninformed and needs to hear the same thing from someone else.
Quote:
I think your W has jumped out of an airplane without the chute. Be cautious because if one of you do file for a D, she may discover she has no chute on and it could get hostile in negotiations. It is in a lot of peoples nature to deflect blame in their life failures to others and you would be the prime candidate.
I am always careful.
Quote:
Do you love her still?
Yeah, how can you stop? She's done a lot of damage though.
Quote:
I know they say to keep low expectations, but where do you wish to see yourself in 5 years?
Good question. Back in the 'groove' again. No longer poor. Maybe in a relationship.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
