Carlos They may be right about your W. My MIL is bipolar. I've seen her behavior before the correct diagnosis. She was living with us then. My W and I felt like we were walking on egg shells all the time. We just don't know what will set her off, (sad, unmotivated, angry...etc). Even after the diagnosis, it takes a while for them to get the medication right. Unfortunately, the medication will need adjustment once a while. For my MIL, it was like trail and error. It is a continuous battle for her and people around her. Now she is doing much better. My point is with proper treatment, you W will get better IF she is bipolar. It is good that your W is seeing therapy now. We need to leave it with the professional. We are only guessing here. Like you said, patient is the key now.
As for me, I have been detaching pretty good. I didn't snoop around for 2 days, baby steps for myself. My W and OM are back together again over the internet. She thinks the OM is her true love that she's been waiting for. Strangely enough, this didn't bother me as much as I would though. I think you are right. My W is looking to find herself back, but in the process she found OM. Now she needs to walk her own path. I will be there with my helping hands when she needs. That's the only thing I can do at this point. Enough hijacking.....
Have a great weekend.
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
It may be a good sign - yes...we'll see. Hopefully she sees someone that can help her face some of the tough questions. It will be painful for her when she gets to the real stuff...
The men's group was a good thing - I'll definitely be back - hopefully next week.
Heading off to my S11's soccer game this morning. My W is bringing S2 by in a bit so that he can go with me. Some friends invited me out to dinner tonight - after the game - friends with kids - and with whom we used to do a lot together - they asked me if I wanted to ask my W to join us for dinner too - so I mentioned it to her - just extended the invitation - and left it up to her. She thanked me for mentioning it and said it was nice of them to invite her - but I don't think she'll be coming along...I hesitated to mention it to her because I don't want to pursue, etc - but it felt wrong not to extend an invitation that was for her - and, honestly, I would like for her to be there - but I just don't want to force it at all.
She's been acting a lot more civil on the phone lately - though not so civil in person - actually - she seems to get a lot more tense when in person...though she was nicer yesterday when she picked up our baby.
I'm going to focus on my kids today - and my time with them. If she doesn't join us for dinner - that will be fine - I'll still make sure to make the most of it.
So...my S11 is coming over later than I expected today...and it's left me with kind of a heavy morning/early afternoon. Just a lot of silence in the house - and, really, this is the first Sunday morning I've been alone in this way in a long time. I'm finding myself missing our Sunday routine a lot - the pancakes I would make for everyone - the sound of my baby boy as he runs through the living room - or complains about being awake...he's so cute when he's grumpy in the mornings.
I felt a bit of anger toward my wife today...not a lot...maybe it's not even really anger - it's just this disbelief that she can't see how much she has torn apart our little family - how many people she is hurting...but I know that she just can't see that now - won't see it - and I also realize that it may just be too late for us - but I must admit that I still love her - and that I wish the best for her - and hope that she can find some clarity through this separation.
Like I mentioned before, she starts IC this week - it may do nothing for her - it may convince her that what he is doing is right...it's out of my hands...and I have to leave it that way. I just have to continue to be lovingly detached until a final decision is made one way or the other.
I'm going out of a run now...it's finally cooled off here in Southern CA (at least for today) - so even though it's very windy and dusty out, a run might just help me clear my head some...then it's off to get some groceries before my S11 is here.
Hey Shifu How was your run...? Get some man's groceries..?? LOL It is funny now I can buy whatever I want from the store... My W is also see her new Dr next week also. Hopefully the professionals can help our Ws. I also feel anger sometimes toward my W. Then I would think. This is her decision, her destiny and her path to walk. No matter what the outcome is, we are doing the best that we can for our M and kids. This is something we should be proud of.
Is Lord of Rings on tonight menu...?? Have fun with S11..!
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
been trying to deal with my sitch, and feel what i need to feel. i find this place to be somewhat of a damper to the pain, and while its good sometimes, i just need to feel it all, the beautiful highs, and the incredible pain of the lows.
glad to hear your W is seeking professional help. that should give you some hope. its a long journey she'll be on, my ex-BIL was also BiPolar, and it took a while to get the medication right. one issue he had was that the medication would help, and he'd decide that he didnt need it anymore.
that anger/disbelief is completely understandable, i feel the same way. that my STBXW would leave me, break up our family, so that she can run around with an OM that is clearly using her to get back at his XW. and that she would do it in a way that would leave me with the pain of knowing that i can never trust her again, and maybe never trust anyone else.
but keep up what you're doing, stay strong, be there if your W needs you.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Hi NW, The run was good - took my mind off things for a while - and left me tired in a good way. It was a bit hard to run with the wind blowing so much dust in my face at the end...but it was also distracting in just the right way.
My S11 wanted to watch Journey to the Center of the Earth last night - so that was the movie for the evening. Tonight he's talking about revisiting some Harry Potter...so we shall see.
You're very right about our W's - their decisions, their destinies, their paths...there's really no other way to get around it. Sometimes it's just her timing that frustrates me - we've been doing so well financially lately - that if we stayed together we would have been in a very good place soon...but now it's all a mess - two households, cut-up income, additional expenses for each of us...so inane...
But I'm also finding that this change is motivating me to work a lot harder than I had for a long time (too long) - and that's big plus. It's intimidating at times, since the economy is in such a tank, but it's also encouraging to see how many prospects there are out there.
Today is a mix of working and hanging out with the boys. My S11 doesn't have school until Wednesday, so at 3 we're going to pick up S2 and then we'll have a great afternoon of just the boys at home.
How are you doing? You should add a link to your thread so folk can find you easier...
Hi Ken, I'm doing okay - still get hit with moments of intense sadness - though I also keep realizing that a lot of that sadness has to do with fear of all these dramatic changes.
Getting professional help is a relief - at least I hope it will help her stabilize more for our baby - since one can never know if her professional help will mean anything for us.
Looking back on our past, in the silence and space that we have, I often find myself thinking that I should have tried to get out of this relationship sooner - there were many, many times that I wanted to end our R, even before we were married - and she never wanted to...and now...irony of ironies....she's set on ending everything when it makes the least amount of sense to me...though I can still see how I can be fine without her.
One of the things that puts my thoughts in check is this whole possibility of her being bipolar. If she is - then I feel like I have to be there for her in any way I can - I do still love her - in fact, I feel very sad for her most of the time - knowing that someone so beautiful in so many ways (I'm talking inner beauty) can be so tormented as to drive away something she has always hoped for...
But, as NW said, this is her journey - I cannot rescue her, I cannot change her mind, I can really do almost nothing for her...and so I'll continue to focus on improving myself and my life as best I can...for my kids and for my future - and for a better sense of being in the now.
BTW - as an aside...a friend and I went to see Rachel Getting Married the other night...I would not recommend it to anyone...though the character of Kim did remind me of my W at times...which was strange...mostly the constant histrionics...
This thread will likely lock up soon, but before it does I just had to post the lyrics to Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart"
When the routine bites hard And ambitions are low And the resentment rides high But emotions wont grow And we're changing our ways, Taking different roads Then love, love will tear us apart again
Why is the bedroom so cold Turned away on your side? Is my timing that flawed, Our respect run so dry? Yet there's still this appeal That we've kept through our lives Love, love will tear us apart again
Do you cry out in your sleep All my failings expose? Get a taste in my mouth As desperation takes hold Is it something so good Just can't function no more? When love, love will tear us apart again
