I don't think they see themselves as having double lives either Cinders.
I think the LBS sometimes find comfort in the double life, unhappy, guilt ridden MLC spouse who has mental issues and just can't find their way back home thoughts.
Maybe there are a few who truly fit that description. In truth I think very few do. They have moved on, they often continue to be high flying professionals and continue in demanding careers. Apart from leaving wife and family behind their lives continue much as they had planned. A hard pill to swallow for those left behind.
We survive, we have our beloved children and friends but our lives do change and financially many of us especially after long term marriages suffer hardships or a dramatic drop in the standard of living,that coupled wih loneliness and the loss of shared dreams is hard.
You said
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What a waste.... and for what???
You cannot know how many times I have uttered that sentence.
I am so happy that you and your H still share that bond I hope it will be always so. I hope that it will be an additional bond as you move on to the fabulous life that awaits you in the future and it will not prevent you from finding that happiness.
As for the forgiveness, I think I have truly forgiven my x but hand on heart I have away to go for the ow.
As ever your good heart shines out through your sorrow.
(((())))