Hi Ken, I'm doing okay - still get hit with moments of intense sadness - though I also keep realizing that a lot of that sadness has to do with fear of all these dramatic changes.
Getting professional help is a relief - at least I hope it will help her stabilize more for our baby - since one can never know if her professional help will mean anything for us.
Looking back on our past, in the silence and space that we have, I often find myself thinking that I should have tried to get out of this relationship sooner - there were many, many times that I wanted to end our R, even before we were married - and she never wanted to...and now...irony of ironies....she's set on ending everything when it makes the least amount of sense to me...though I can still see how I can be fine without her.
One of the things that puts my thoughts in check is this whole possibility of her being bipolar. If she is - then I feel like I have to be there for her in any way I can - I do still love her - in fact, I feel very sad for her most of the time - knowing that someone so beautiful in so many ways (I'm talking inner beauty) can be so tormented as to drive away something she has always hoped for...
But, as NW said, this is her journey - I cannot rescue her, I cannot change her mind, I can really do almost nothing for her...and so I'll continue to focus on improving myself and my life as best I can...for my kids and for my future - and for a better sense of being in the now.
BTW - as an aside...a friend and I went to see Rachel Getting Married the other night...I would not recommend it to anyone...though the character of Kim did remind me of my W at times...which was strange...mostly the constant histrionics...
