It's Tx Mom.. 2nd thread.. trying to hold on...

[Amy M]

TxMom!!! I'm so sorry you are hurting...it does get easier.

I have a couple of suggestions for you...

1) Have you seen an attorney yet? If not, do so right away for a consultation. I'm not suggesting that you file for D, I'm just saying that being educated on the process, your rights, his responsibilities, etc. will help a lot. I found out that my H would owe more support than I thought. It meant that I might be able to stay in the house afterall. He was not thrilled, but, hey, he made his bed.

Also, remember that he can't marry her until he divorces you. So, he's not marrying her today...I'm sure of that! So, try not to worry about that particular thing right now...a lot can change over the course of the next few months!

2) I've done this and it helped...I actually looked at smaller houses in the area. It helps to see what you can get if you have to sell your house. I know...it sounds horrible, but think of it like an adventure sort of. What cute place could you live in if you didn't have to worry about H? Could you get a great place with a smaller yard that wouldn't require much care? If you can think of it as an adventure for you and the girls, that will help a little.

I'm not suggesting that you push for divorce. I'm just saying that once you know the reality, it may not be as bleak. I found I was imagining the absolute worst about my sitch! Once I found out what was real, I was able to settle down and figure out what I would have to do to make things work. That's a much better place to be...figuring out what you really might have to do rather than worrying about a bunch of things that might or might not have to happen.

Other than that, pray, pray, pray. Unfortunately, everything else is out of your control. Your H is lost. He's confused. I know he sounds sure of himself, but I can't believe he is. They don't go from normal loving parents overnight (or over the course of a few months) to completely non-caring, non-feeling men. That just doesn't happen.

But, if he admits that what he's doing is harming the kids, then he's essentially admitting that he'd have to stop what he's doing to be a good dad. Continuing on this path by definition makes him a bad dad (cause it's hurting the kids). And, bad dad isn't something he wants to be known as right now.

So, try hard not to worry about what he's saying. 99% of it is not true, and you'll never know which 1% might be true anyway! Sorry everyone knows...but, remember that his actions are not a reflection on you but on him. My standard answer to questions from nosy people I don't want to talk to is "H is in a bad place right now, and I'm praying for him. I'd appreciate you praying for him and my family also." That confuses people...they expect you to be ugly. Don't. That will only complicate matters later!

I wish I could tell you how not to hurt. I can't. But, I can say that as a mom, you have to set your feelings aside and focus on those beautiful girls. You will get through this. If you could read the beginnings of everyone's sitch, you'd see we were all crying continuously for a while.

I'm in a better place finally. I'd love to have you join me here. Keep your chin up. Reach inside for that strength you didn't even know you had!!! Try to turn it all over to God and rest in Him!

We'll be here rooting for you and praying for you!

Love to you!
Amy