Maybe I should be in piecing part 2?

[Hope4us]

Last one locked.

Previous thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1636956&page=1#Post1636956

Thanks Doc. Doing ok today. This weekend was really good. And it just fits the pattern of weekends good, week days she changes. Whether she's in contact with OM while at work or it's just the triggers from work where they met and carried on is yet to be determined. I don't know if you read it in one of my previous posts or not, but the first week of Dec my W is beginning a temporary assignment in another building of the Refinery she works at. So it'll be interesting to see if that weekend/weekday dynamic changes when she does the temporary assignment.

To answer your question, yes, her flirting will need to be addressed. For MY trust/feelings. But right now she's still kind of foggy and can't even tell me she wants to try to make our marriage work. So until she's ready to try, I'm not going there. Funny thing is, I think she's trying, I think she's having feelings for me, everything points to her wanting to stay together, but I think she wants to be absolutely clear in her feelings before saying that to me because I honestly believe she doesn't want to hurt me by saying she wants to make it work and then if it doesn't, leave.

And I guess for now, I'm ok with that. We'll be very busy the next few months with some travel, family events, Christmas parties, etc so if she hasn't made a commitment by the first of the year I'll have to press the issue.

I told her about a month and a half ago that there were a lot of things we DO NEED to discuss, but I wouldn't bring up any R talk until she was ready. And I think she appreciated that. No pressure, right? Shortly after I basically said F you to her when she once again tried to blame me for her affair and then said she needed to figure this out but I wouldn't bring it up again until she was ready, she seems to have turned the corner.

Like you said earlier, it's a huge rollercoaster, but as WDID points out to me, we have made HUGE strides the last couple months. And I don't know if you saw the conversation going on about our bed or not, but a number of us here suspect that she was with OM in our martial bed at least once and probably twice so that's a stumbling block as she won't sleep in bed with me at home, but if we leave town she will. So last weekend we bought a bed set. And W said she would move back to the bed when we got it. So it all kind of adds up. Of course, W says she doesn't like our bed and that's why she's sleeping on the couch, but we've had the bed for 20 years, why did she just discover she doesn't like it? Probably just her saving face and not wanting to tell me she was with OM in it and it bothers her.

Which is all good. I see such conflict in her. And that conflict is good IMHO. I see her having feelings for me but that would mean that the affair was a waste and she's not ready to face that yet. But it's coming. I can see it. I just have to be patient.

This past weekend is a perfect example. In a couple weeks we were going to Columbus for the Ohio State/Mich game (no tickets, just the atmosphere) and W said to me, we should be in Gatlinburg. So we changed our plans to go to Gatlinburg that weekend. Gatlinburg is where we ALWAYS went for our anniversary weekend, so for her to suggest going there, I thought was big.

Ok, I've rambled enough. Got to get some work done. Thanks for checking in on me.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

This past weekend is a perfect example. In a couple weeks we were going to Columbus for the Ohio State/Mich game (no tickets, just the atmosphere) and W said to me, we should be in Gatlinburg. So we changed our plans to go to Gatlinburg that weekend. Gatlinburg is where we ALWAYS went for our anniversary weekend, so for her to suggest going there, I thought was big.

Wow . . . giving up FOOTBALL for Gatlinburg. Man, you'd BETTER get some then . . . LOL

[Dr LOve]

Hey Hope4,

I too need to get back to work but reading through your post there is allot of the same things I am going through. I will try to come back later.. BUT one thing I say something about is the "bed".

WOW... I had a hard time dealing with the thought that my W (I think) picked up her OM at the airport and give him a "ride" pun intended.. To the motel.
Thinking of him in OUR van was hard for me. BUT OUR BED!!!!!!!!!!
I would have wanted a new bed anyway...

I saw this "Cops" show that they had a report of this guy burning a mattress in the street. When they got there they talked to the guy and he told them he found his wife in bed with OM in that bed so he was burning it.

The cops let him go because there was no law against burning your own stuff...

Later
Doc

[InLikeFlynn]

stumbling block as she won't sleep in bed with me at home, but if we leave town she will.

Suggestion....every weekend take a trip somewhere close but stay in a hotel until you get your new bed. It might get a little expensive but hey.....it beats one on the couch and the other in the "no action" water bed!!! Just a thought. If not every weekend...then every other..

[Hope4us]

This past weekend is a perfect example. In a couple weeks we were going to Columbus for the Ohio State/Mich game (no tickets, just the atmosphere) and W said to me, we should be in Gatlinburg. So we changed our plans to go to Gatlinburg that weekend. Gatlinburg is where we ALWAYS went for our anniversary weekend, so for her to suggest going there, I thought was big.

Wow . . . giving up FOOTBALL for Gatlinburg. Man, you'd BETTER get some then . . . LOL

No way Pup....and get this....When W said to me "we should be in Gatlinburg" I said "we could go that weekend we're planning on going to Columbus" and SHE SAID "WHERE ARE WE GOING TO WATCH THE GAME?" God I love this woman! So I said "there's a micro brewery next to the hotel we're staying at and they've got multiple big screens so hey, Big screens, micro brew and OSU/Mich, what more do you need?

[Hope4us]

Hey Hope4,

I too need to get back to work but reading through your post there is allot of the same things I am going through. I will try to come back later.. BUT one thing I say something about is the "bed".

WOW... I had a hard time dealing with the thought that my W (I think) picked up her OM at the airport and give him a "ride" pun intended.. To the motel.
Thinking of him in OUR van was hard for me. BUT OUR BED!!!!!!!!!!
I would have wanted a new bed anyway...

I saw this "Cops" show that they had a report of this guy burning a mattress in the street. When they got there they talked to the guy and he told them he found his wife in bed with OM in that bed so he was burning it.

The cops let him go because there was no law against burning your own stuff...

Later
Doc

Yes Doc, kind of tough to take, but I can't NOT sleep in the bed now that we've seemingly figured it out because then W would get suspicious and I don't want to go there until she's ready to talk about it.

But I do think I'll ask my brother to bring his truck over and we can take the old bed to his house (lots of land) and take it out and shoot some holes in it. That would get out some of my frustration....

[InLikeFlynn]

Just poke some small holes in it now! Some where she can't find them if she looked. Just make sure your ready with some towels etc before hand and maybe release some of the water before you poke the holes so it won't make too much of a mess.

Does your son age 20 have his own room?? If so just tell him your taking his bed into your room until the new one arrives. Really all you need is his mattress.

Maybe leak something smelly on the couch or around that she can't find...maybe that would herd her into the bedroom?

Just throwing ideas out here....you have to think strategically against these wayward women!!!

[Hope4us]

I already told W that when they deliver the matress/box next Saturday we're taking the water bed down and just going to put the mattress/box on the floor and sleep on it. She asked "why" and I said "I'm getting tired of sleeping alone" and she just smiled at me.

So I think it's taken care of and W smiled at my comment so I think it's all good.

And we were just trading some IM's and I mentioned the hotel we're staying at in a couple weeks having an indoor pool so maybe we should take our suits and she replied "we won't have TIME for that". Now maybe she was just talking about shopping/the game etc, but I could almost read into it some other things you can do with your time.. but we'll have to see about that....

[breakaway]

Which is all good. I see such conflict in her. And that conflict is good IMHO. I see her having feelings for me but that would mean that the affair was a waste and she's not ready to face that yet. But it's coming. I can see it. I just have to be patient.

BINGO!

Nothing like feeling like the world's biggest fool when you were sooooo sure that you were different. I guess it would be easy to say that women like us deserve to feel that way...but it's very hard.

I was someone else's MLC/revenge affair/fantasy... I'm getting fitted for my dunce cap Friday...

[kat727]

So it does look like we were on the right path. That is good. I think once she is able to make the connection with you on a regular basis it will be hard to keep waffling. And if she hasn't been having her physical needs met(until recently on vacation) she is probably just as ready to get the new bed!

kat