TxMom- help I'm still hopeful -#2 post

[Trying2live]

Hey girl....{{Breathe}} I know this is hard adn I am so sorry you are hurting {{hugs}}. Ok I want to address a few things.

This is not God's will in the matter of any of our marriages. God is pro-family and I believe his is upset with our situations. But God does not control man or he would be a dictator correct? He does loving try to guide us all. God speaks to the heart of each person. Its a still small voice and a lot of times we discredit it as our own thought. Our H's do have an accountability part before God in this mess, but that IS NOT our job to do. I know I've told you that I am an associate pastors(H was too) so i say only things that I would only do myself. They have a conscience that God can and does speak to but they are in Fog so they discredit it. This is an attack, im my humble opinion, from the pit of hell to destroy our marriages. The bible says that satan has come to steal kill and destroy and unfortunately he can get to any of us. Look my H and I are associate Pastors and in the same church for 15 years, so no one is immune.

Now each person has there own tolerance and ability to what or who long they can fight for there marriage. This can only be decided by each of us. God will not be upset either way as in these circumstances God allows us to decide.

Ok you are still very new in this cycle. Yes you see mine as progress but I am fully aware it can go either way and have lots of hope but NO EXPECTATIONS. You see if you expect them to reason normally you are going to be hurt and if you keep getting hurt you are not going to be able to do this for long. you must also protect your love bank (SAA book) if you don't your bank will deplete and you won't care if he does come back because you will be done. He is talking, walking, living, thinking from the fog so your going to have to grab yourself with all your strength and NOT talk about the R. I know it's hard, i'm there too. But what perspective do you want, fog perspective. Remember to throw out almost all of what he is saying. You may hear stuff he's saying about the girls but you don't know what he truly feels when he is alone, its fog talk again. Plus, and this is important, you cannot be his conscience or try to get it into his head, he's not going to hear you and it's only creating a larger wedge. SAA would call this as a disrespectful judgment(i was guilty of this lots). have you read all of SAA yet because there are a lot of tips for just how to interact as a married person.

Please IGNORE all his fogbabble right now. Do not expect normalcy from him you are not going to get it and your going to keep getting hurt. You have got to protect your love bank and right away. Remember too I didn't implement Plan A until 5 months, I had almost 80 no contact with him and the 2 months he did visit the kids at the house I made sure I was gone or in my room. The negative emotions need to be reduced in your situation and right away. I had a few sessions with Jody and that's what she recommended and she was right on. When he visits you can run out for errands or something. But they dynamic needs to change pretty quickly.

Crying is ok. Get it out and then you can go on again.

What books have you read so far, and what GAL and 180s have you done. Have you finished DR?

I know this sounds bad, but it was asked to me so I will ask to you. Have you asked him if the OW is pregnant? I asked my H 4 times and he said 4 times that she is fixed so I hope that's true, not sure how I'd feel abt reconciliation if a baby was involved. Drop by my thread ANY time for anything if I can help you I will.

Go do some self care today, massage or pedicure, you deserve it.