The results are in...Dust myself off & start again

[Treese]

MWG....my H appears to be in his own world of law....says i'm not going to get as much as I think, that he HAS to be able to live....maybe he's right...I'm sure I'll be the one screwed, I usually am...

Today I'm just totally down....crying off and on....my life just seems to be going slowly down the tubes...I want off the ride...I've had enough....he's taken part of my soul...my spirit...and stomped on it....my gut is sore from all the punching...

Saw him yesterday as he was sitting on my couch after he dropped son off..he had made a fire....then as soon as I came home he hopped up and left....if I had known all these years I was just making him miserable.....but all I did was take care of him...and love him....and stand by him....thick or thin....


So, will someone tell me.....Is he really as happy as he claims to be? How? He has to be hurting...doesn't he? this is a mess....a total mess....no sane person could be happy...why did he wait days to call and tell me the results? Why didn't he say I'm sorry? or hug me? my lonliness is sometimes unbearable....

And OW...she loves him for who he is...he's changed, remember...she opened her home to him...it's his safe place now...they're soul mates....UGHHH!!BLAH!!!!I want to vomit...

And why doesnt he ask how I"m doing? doesnt he care? after 30 years...he cant even treat me like a human being....every time I think I'm doing better....I'm not...I'm numb, in shock and living the worst nightmare ever...

I'm trying but being punched in the gut on a daily basis is not my idea of fun..