Hi Everyone, T2L, yes time is the factor and love. I find it so hard to wait. It was a busy weekend but I find I struggle. Got e-mail from H this morning and he is taking a vacation day (we are off tomorrow also), I think that OW is out also. What an idiot. It does hurt and I understand they are in a fog -- but I am not and it hurts. I need to have that "stop sign" in my brain today so I do not picture them together. I hate it.
Marisol, good chance your H was drinking and doing guilt and just checking up on you. You went -- he didn't - sour grapes on his part. You are doing well. Keep it up.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
H came over Saturday as he took the day off. We all went to DS10 football game and then went to lunch and then went to the Ronald Regan library for a while since it was so gorgeous that day. After that we came home. A few hours later the kids went to a movie and it was him and I home alone, yes he cheated on the OW again. I did a few days prior mention to him he could spend the night but he didn't seem like he wanted to so I didn't mention it on Saturday. He fell asleep on the couch about 8:30 and woke up at 9:30 so I thought he would stay but about 12:30AM he says can you make me some coffee, that's kinda the hint he's leaving and he has an hour drive. I say are you sure you don't want to stay its really late and you look tired. He says I have stuff I have to take care of, I say well you could leave in the morning too and h gets wierd look on his face and I say ok i'll ge tyour coffee ready. He then says I'll tuck in DS10 and I say great! I make his coffee and set it near the door by his keys and head off to my room to get ready for bed. He comes in my room 10 minutes later and says I'm gonna stay is that ok? I say sure no problem, so he says can I wathc TV in here, while you are finishing things. I respond sure and I continue to get ready. I climb into bed and he starts undressing and says can I sleep in here? I say sure, it caught me off guard as last time he slpet in DS10's room. So he climbs into bed and grabbed me and pulled me close to him and snugled and we fell asleep. I then wake up and by him grabbing me again and snuggling with me and I say Hey what's that and I laugh and he says Morning Surprise LOL. So yes he cheated on OW again. So we got up he took DS10 to breakfast I got ready and went to church and he went home and my kids met me at church. STill my motto to live by NO EXPECTATIONS, but I do have hope.
So good Plan A(SAA book) few days, butr i have to tell you guys I came home to take a npa and when I woke up i felt sad. I'm not sure what triggered it, it really puzzled me. I haven't felt this wasy since implementing my Plan A (SAA book) onOctober 3rd. Plan A is very hard especially when you've had to do and see some of what I have and not even act as if it's there but I guess maybe that's why or maybe having him sleep in my bed, not sure. I just woke up from a nap and was sad, I kept busy started organinzing and cleaning as I didn't want the kids to have to deal with me. I made it through the night no crying. Could be that my Plan B is less than 2 weeks away and I am dreading it as I have 60% of my real H around, but this sharing is not realistic and a choice must be made. I feel very confident that I implemented a very good Plan A meeting all his top 5 emotional needs. It's a little scary knowing I will go completely dark in less that 2 weeks, but I am staying focused and know I will be ok. I anticipate a few sad days and you can bet I will be coming on. Anyways feeling better, gonna do some organizing in the garage and tidying in the back yard today. I love the fall!
How is everyone else this weekend? Anyone else able to get the Surviving An Affair book by Willard Harley?
you go Marisol! I'm so glad you are looking up dance classes, take salsa that way if you ever make your way out here we can go together!
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
T2L, you have been doing terrific. It is good to see that you have some non-positive thoughts once in a while otherwise you would not be human. You have a right to be sad. It has to be hard to let H go back to OW. But your Plan A has been very successful. I think I still have too much resentment to have an effective Plan A for now. I have to work on the love bank and I can barely do that without blowing up. Today is sad because I think that H is off with OW and here I sit. We should be the ones that off together and it sorta punched me in the stomach when I got his e-mail that he is off. But I took a walk around the building, did a bit of ranting and now I wil go to Yoga. I have to stay focused. My oldest D has a C appt this week. Now she has decided she wants NC with H. Sometimes I think he will just disappear with OW never to be seen again.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
My miserable updates are on my thread so please please read and post.. T2L I know you don't leave this thread much but could use it...
I have finished Surviving and Affair.... not anywhere near a Plan A if it ever happens..yesterday was hard with all his answers.... I'm still so sad and just can't believe it. So my H boss and a few other co-workers do know and they have been around her....
I'm reading "for women only" very good book... author interview many men and it is the intermost thoughts that make or break a man down... it is good and sad as I realize little things I did that broke our marriage down....
T2L - I can't imagine sleeping with my H and snuggling and heck yeah you should be sad... not normal if you weren't... He lives with the OW right? What could he possibly be telling her why he is staying out?? crazy.... so good and it is going text book for you.... but as you know he needs to make a decision ... hopefully you have it all planned out how you are going to explain why you stop communication. I pray this works...
go to my post and give insight... I'll pop on and off today.
xoxo
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
T2L - Your plan has been working so good for you. I am happy for you. I know you have no expectations but the response your getting from H is very promising. I am praying for you and all the ladies here every day.
Hope - I use to be just like you. I would think about H and OW at his house, what they would be doing on the weekends like shopping or going to the movies, etc. It was very painful. But soon enough I just started to plan things for myself and keep myself busy. Now I'm looking forward to my weekends because I have things I am planning with friends or just for myself.
I pray to be in your shoes T2L one day soon where I can see H and have him close again. I have not seen H since Oct 15th. I have not talked with him on the phone since Oct 21st.
I'm ordering SAA today from Amazon....
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
Yeah well everyone has to remember too my head went crazy just like everyone else's of the thoughts of them dining and doing things together, still do struggle, but I grab my mind and flip it to something else because the longer i think the worse I feel. And also remember that i had almost 80% no contact with H for the 1st 5 months which I feel helped reduced stuff though he was nuts and lashed out at me and said horrible things to me. I think If I didn't have the no contact who knows if the progress would be made so far.
I have to remind myself who cares what fog date they are on LOL! Maybe they went to a movie to see "Fog on the foggy river" or maybe they had a bite to eat at "Foggy's" where they sipped fogachinos...LOL ok it made me laugh.
They are both living in lala land and its not going to work. The statistic show this. Yes some go to affairages but most of those end up in divorce. They are suffering although they try to act like they are not and all the while we are concentrating on ourselves getting stronger GAL'ing and 180'ing. Someone is going to get the new and improved us and hopefully that will be them. SAA says most affairs die a natural death, what really matters is how long we can do it.
Everyone must protect their own love bank's too or we wont make it and it won't matter it they do come back because our love bank will be so depleted that we wont want them back, that's why pulling back and detaching is to protect you as well.
Wish ya'll could come here for New years eve...oh what fun that would be!!!!
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
Yeah well everyone has to remember too my head went crazy just like everyone else's of the thoughts of them dining and doing things together, still do struggle, but I grab my mind and flip it to something else because the longer i think the worse I feel. And also remember that i had almost 80% no contact with H for the 1st 5 months which I feel helped reduced stuff though he was nuts and lashed out at me and said horrible things to me. I think If I didn't have the no contact who knows if the progress would be made so far.
I have to remind myself who cares what fog date they are on LOL! Maybe they went to a movie to see "Fog on the foggy river" or maybe they had a bite to eat at "Foggy's" where they sipped fogachinos...LOL ok it made me laugh.
They are both living in lala land and its not going to work. The statistic show this. Yes some go to affairages but most of those end up in divorce. They are suffering although they try to act like they are not and all the while we are concentrating on ourselves getting stronger GAL'ing and 180'ing. Someone is going to get the new and improved us and hopefully that will be them. SAA says most affairs die a natural death, what really matters is how long we can do it.
Everyone must protect their own love bank's too or we wont make it and it won't matter it they do come back because our love bank will be so depleted that we wont want them back, that's why pulling back and detaching is to protect you as well.
Wish ya'll could come here for New years eve...oh what fun that would be!!!!
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
