Staying present in my life

[frank_D]

Today was the funeral for FIL's mother. W called and asked if she could come over and look for more pictures of her grandmother at around 11. I said that was ok, and went to take a shower. when I was dressed and ready I saw she was here, and she was in the girls bathroom blow drying her hair. How weird.

I went into my office and she called me on the intercom and said "I feel like having coffee, would you like some?" I said "Thanks, but I already had some" and she said "ok".

About an hour later I went to the clothing store to get a pair of black pants. When I came back I was talking to a friend on my cell and as I walked by the kitchen she said she was making a tuna sandwich, and did I want one? I turned and gave her the thumbs up, and nodded my head.

Then I went into my office. About 5 minutes later she came in with a plate with a sandwich, some baby carrots and grapes. I told her I was on the phone when she asked me before and she said she figured that, gave me a smile and left.

A while later we drove the 1/2 hour to the funeral. She sat in the back seat with D13 and D17 was in front. W started pestering D13, and I joked "Hey girls if you can't behave I'll have to come back there!" And W said "I'd like to see you try!".

Then she said "You can't because you're driving".

We got to the funeral and after hugs and greetings W and the girls sat in the front row on the left side of the chapel. I walked over there and saw that W' dad and stepmom had their stuff there, and asked the person behind them if they were sitting there. He said yes, so I went to sit in the front row on the right side of the chapel.

No biggie, but W saw me go sit there and told D17 to go sit with me. So she came over and sat by me. Then a minute later W and D13 came over and sat with us, with W on the far end of course.

Later, I asked D13 why she and her mom didn't sit with Grandpa and Stepmom and she said "I don't know, mom wanted us to sit with you". Everyone there knows our situation and W knows they know.

During the service, the pastor called on W to speak as she had asked him if she could say a few things. She went up and while crying she told stories of how her Grandma ran away and joined the circus when she was 17, and how she made her her first 'Squirrel Stew'. She talked about how she loved to take her on the roller coasters when she was a little girl.

After the service we all went to a relatives house to eat food and socialize. It was fine, she went her way and I went mine. Her dad and stepmom and all the other relatives like me and they were polite to her. But I know that she always feels judged by them. They really don't judge her, she just feels that way.

Eventually we went home. She sat in the back seat. On the way I said "That was a really great set of stories you told about your grandmother. It was like you were speaking for her, letting people know who she really was. I think she'd be proud of you".

she said 'thank you'.

She was looking out the window on the way home, then D13 asked her a question and she turned to look at her and was obviously crying. D13 asked her why she was crying and she said "I'm just thinking of things".

When we got home she didn't come into the house, she just said bye and left.

[craig54]

Frank, you are doing well, just keep treating her with respect, and always take the high road. I know what a tough time you are having, just keep praying. I know it is hard to get mad at your wife, she is hurting , big time. My wife is doing the same. It is hard to watch them struggle.

[faithisbelieving]

HI stand with craig on this. Frank...I still offer coffee to my W at times....brought her medicine over the weekend...even tho' she hates me and probably went out with a man last Saturday night.

Stay to the high high. BetterMen do that. Kill 'em with kindness as they say.

I admire your courage.
FIB

[AmyC]

I enjoy seeing the evidence of grace working in you, Frank.

It is very beautiful.

[frank_D]

also, yesterday we saw that our kitchen sink had water under it. Last night I figured out that it was the sprayer hose that was broken so I got the parts to fix it.

I saw W for a minute this morning and told her what was wrong and what I did. She thanked me for fixing it.

I know I'm being more 'in grace', but I have trouble reading her behaviors. She still carries on with OM, with the encouragement of her friend she's living with.

[craig54]

Try not to focus on her behaviors, you will never figure it out. keep being in Gods grace.

[AmyC]

I know I'm being more 'in grace', but I have trouble reading her behaviors. She still carries on with OM, with the encouragement of her friend she's living with.

You are doing a good job showing grace to your wife, Frank and I know it makes you feel good. I wanted you to do that - feel that - but there's a greater Grace I hope you'll come to know one day, too.

See, Frank, the grace you are exhibiting is the best you can muster up as a human being. It's fallible. Some do it better than others but none of us do it perfectly. That's the problem. It's an effort. We make the DECISION to "show grace". It is a good thing - choosing that high road - and it does lead to the Spirit being able to work in us but...

We can become prideful if we're not careful...

"Look how - good/strong/forgiving/insert your own term here - I am!"

We can't really show grace by it's true definition unless we ourselves are in the fullness of God's grace because it is THEN that HIS GRACE would flow through us and touch other lives.

Being in the fullness of God's grace would leave you RIGHT where you need to be as far as your wife goes.

Able to love unconditionally, Frank.

Without expectation.

You can't do that for another person until you accept it for yourself and then still...the very best you can do is be a vessel and allow Him work through you.

You have more to do.

Seek grace.

[Cinderellaman]

AmyC,

Just wanted to say....what a true and wonderful piece you wrote. We must guard that we do not become prideful, for sometimes it easily happens...
Thanks for showing us Grace.

[frank_D]

Yes, I'm not prideful. I do not expect anything back from her. I expect her to keep running.

It sucks, but it's the way I feel.

I don't know what meaning is behind what she's been doing lately. It's like she lives two lives. The life away from this house, and the life when she is in this house.

Her love language is acts of service. she's been doing nice 'acts of service' for me lately. But she still keeps her distance, and she still has OM.

[craig54]

Frank,your wife is torn between two worlds, She is fractured, broken and in need of alot of love. Unfortunately the OM at times can make that difficult. She is a yo-yo. I certainly do not envy her at all. Amy-c is dead on, We all need to become more of a vessel for God's grace to flow through us and into the world we live in. Your wife will notice, she may not say anything, but she will notice.Keep seeking The Lord, he is the answer.