posts are coming longer and longer apart. just trying to deal with this pain head on, get to know it, feel it, and work through it.
i just spent the first weekend without my beautiful daughter Zophia, and what intense pain. didnt miss the STBX though. and am getting better at stopping the voice in my head that constantly wants to talk about what she's done with OM. thats my challenge now, to silence that little f**ker.
STBX had Zophia from thursday to monday, they stopped by Saturday for an hour or so, and we went to breakfast and movies sunday. trying to make the transition a bit easier. easier for who?
went to STBX's new apartment, didnt feel much about it.
Zophia has been wonderful through this, only rarely asking for STBX when i had her. hasnt been crying, no tantrums, etc. i know she misses me, she wont let me go when she visits. and i cry inside when she's there. and outside when she's not.
STBX has been much chattier on the phone, every night we call to allow Zophia to say goodnight, if it wasnt for the OM, i'd say things may have had a chance.
but i've been grappling with the thought of Trust. i know i will never be able to trust her again, and that destroys any chance of us rectifying. but what about trusting someone else? if i meet someone new, will i really be able to trust her? I dont know, and that makes me sad.
on a good note, got a nice compliment from a co-worker last week, and an amazingly beautiful one too - i call her the indian Selma Hayek, she was offering me leftover cookies, cake, etc from a meeting, and said "you probably wont want these, you look like you only eat healthy and workout a lot". put a smile on my face, i must say.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
