In order to make any suggestions, we really need some more information. Can you give is a brief history of your relationship with your W (I would avoid using any actual names on these forums)-- from dating until now -- and include something about the 'poly relationship' aspect as well?
The fact that you are in a poly relationship by itself raises red flags with me, but I'll reserve further comment until you tell us more about the situation.
Best regards,
Bagheera
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
