TxMom- help I'm still hopeful -#2 post

[TxMomw/2girls]

Hello everyone.. I can't sleep rough day and night yesterday ... long post..

THANKS for all of your encouraging words I will need more after this post...

I posted same post on Newcomers too.

Unforunately I think I've married someone who in the time of crisis has the ability to literally "shut down"... to date the worse pain ever....

He was very grumpy Friday night having the girls at his small 2x4 apartment and told me that evening that "we'll talk Monday but I'm not going to like it"... which he is eluding to wanting to put house up for sell b/c he thinks it will free him up financially so he can afford a bigger place.. this is my guess.

Well we got into some convo last night - I asked him how he feels when our daughter, Ellie, is crying the last three times he leaves and is pulling at him.. he seems so emotionalist.... he said it bothers him but he knows she'll be ok.. that he didn't abandoned her or leave them.. I said she doens't know the difference.

He feels that he sees the girls just as much as I do and eluded that the time with them is plenty..

So I said " if you left here everyday and went to your place and you were not involve with someone else I feel that you'd be so sad and crying a river missing these kids and the times with them" ...

he pauses and says " no I don't think it would change anything"

Me: so you don't miss tucking them in at night, or playing under the covers in the mornings... the couple of days you get are just fine for you?
H: I'm not you and I don't need the same you need...

Who is this guy.... did I have him all wrong.. how could your daughter crying not kill you... so LE I really don't think he gets in is car and crys at all... not kidding.... he seems so numb.

It gets worse... he makes a statement " it's not like I cheated on you 15 times or something " I said your kidding that you think one time or 15 makes the pain any less" ... "you moved out of our house right into her house and you don't see that as pain?"

I did bad DBing I tell you.... I asked him what he was doing... where he thought this was going with OW... did he want more kids?... he said he wouldn't answer this.. I said so you have you guys talked Marriage... " he said it has come up but not like every day" .... he had a work function Saturday night and he took her... he told me that some people know now and his boss is one of them b/c he was at this function. .. I said the other day you told me know one knows... so now other co-workers were at this function and she was with him... so he is bringing her around.. so cat is out of the bag.... I couldn't believe it... I thought his boss would be the one that would talk "since" into him.

I went down stairs.. started crying so hard.. Ellie is upstairs with him crying telling him not to leave.. they come down finally I went in kitchen and said I have one question " when did the A really start?" he said August.. " I said... so you left me for someone you had been with 30 days and moved in with her... so you've been with her 3 months and you are already talking marriage and kids?" I couldn't believe my ears... told him he was not telling me the truth... he said he was... I do believe him..

My H fell for me too very quick.. he is a romantic person and falls quick so it doesn't surprise me to some degree but it does that he has moved in with her... yes he got his own apartment only b/c I told him he needed to start watching the girls there he couldn't keep coming to house...

I feel done... I cried so much last night, couldn't believe that I'm up against that he might marry this women today at least. I know the future could change but I'm kidding myself if I'm waiting for some " bubble to pop" and my H wakes up... I think my heart can't take much more... My pain for my future my fears, how will I provide for my girls, I will have to change jobs so I don't travel sometime next year - I told him that maybe we need to move out of the state for awhile, that I need to detach.... said would he even care if he didn't see his kids for a month or more... of course he says yes he would.. We went in to much more... I told him about he'll need to provide and that I don't care what the courts tell him is required that it will be much more than that....

My friends who know him and us still think something is going on... for him to "shut it off" and not feel and not empathize with me or the kids and how this is hard. He has just snapped and is so done... I know you guys say don't listen to that but I feel now I might need to be done... can I ever honestly trust him if he came back not to just one day again be able to turn "us" off and turn on to someone else again?.... either way he isn't coming back or out of whatever he is going through anytime soon...

I'm hurting and don't know what to do... I'm definitely going to need space this week but I really feel I need to leave town, I want to escape with my girls and just leave for awhile... but I can't do that and I hate it...

God can not let these two people marry,,, I know many of you are in similar sitches... LE you are one.. I haven't gotten there until now and boy it is painful.. How do I protect my girls from future pain??? this hurts so bad..

I'm going to try to go back to sleep.... sorry for long post and thanks for any encouraging words because I will need it and need all of you.....

hurting in Texas!!!!!