Spent time thinking about everything yesterday. Fell off the wagon Saturday night, felt guilty giving in to that. No harm, no foul. That is the smallest part of my life and it bothered me alot. didn't sleep much last night. I don't want to be with anyone else, not at any level right now. My hope is my faith as I have posted before. I am who I am because of me, and I know she will be back. My strength is my conviction to this. I want her back in my life, but only if she wants to be back.
Amy, thanks for your faceslap, I just read it this morning, but only after thinking long and hard about my current situation. It is a nice boost to have someone show interest, but I know that we can get through this as long as one of us stays totally committed. the books and research I have done support the fact that if one is committed, the marriage can be saved. No guarantees, but much more probable. My W invited her friend and herhusband down to meet the OM. They spent about 2 ours with them. She called me to tell me, in cionfidence, what a loser this guy was. She told me that my W is definitely going thru something if this is what she has. Her husband is a friend of mine and also told me that the guys is a real scumbag, and he was only with him for a couple of hours, not impressed. Also, they both commented on how rough she looked, not happy. they said if this is the guy she is supposedly in love with, then why isn't she happy. I heard commnets all weekend about her, she sounds depressed, she looks happy but she sounds dpressed. When is she going to wake up and see what everyone else around her sees? The reason I fell off the wagon was because I keep hearing how depressed and ragged she looks. Well I got that out of my system. I know this is gonna be a long haul and I am fighting for my marriage, i am getting signs, her being upset about the pics and her clothes. These are thngs that allowed her to have her cake and eat it too. Now I have taken those away, my stand is much firmer and my committment is much stronger, that is why I think I have been more dpressed this past week. She has no friends with the om, he is a loner. She is trying to get her friends to be around them, but that seemed to backfire. Her friends that are alos my friends are now calling me and inviting me out and over to their houses. they feel bad because they are friends with both of us and haven't seen me. I honestly believe that her attraction and feelings for OM are weakening. I also want to believe that when it ends she will look down the tunnel towards me. Like you told me, I have to be strong enough for her to come back to and fall apart in front of. there have been commnets of how she is, things she has said that make me believe that what is keeping her away from me now may be guilt. I won't get into details on this, but i am reading this. In talking to a woman who went through this, she told me she tried to stay away because of the guilt. When she finally got the nerve to contact her husband about getting together and talking she did fall apart. She says he just sat there and listended, never said a word, just listened. They have been back together ever since. She says for me to watch, do what I am doing, stay faithful. she also said taking down the pics and packing her clothes were very good moves. Because now she will wonder where I am at with regards to my emotions towards her. I thought I was losing my connection to her last week after the pics and clothes thing. I also thought I was losing my feelings towards her by being infatuated with this woman at the class. I realized yesterday none of that is true. I do love my W, very much. I want her back in my life as my W. I am praying again and recommitting myself to being diligent. Doom and gloom thoughts beget doom and gloom reactions. Positive thoughts develop positive actions. I fell off the wagon, gave in to something I didn't want to give in too, but I did. I feel ashamed of myself for doing it, again no harm no foul. I am firmly back on the wagon again with regards to drinking and my committment to my marriage. Again, thanks for your support and words.
