Thanks Doc. Doing ok today. This weekend was really good. And it just fits the pattern of weekends good, week days she changes. Whether she's in contact with OM while at work or it's just the triggers from work where they met and carried on is yet to be determined. I don't know if you read it in one of my previous posts or not, but the first week of Dec my W is beginning a temporary assignment in another building of the Refinery she works at. So it'll be interesting to see if that weekend/weekday dynamic changes when she does the temporary assignment.
To answer your question, yes, her flirting will need to be addressed. For MY trust/feelings. But right now she's still kind of foggy and can't even tell me she wants to try to make our marriage work. So until she's ready to try, I'm not going there. Funny thing is, I think she's trying, I think she's having feelings for me, everything points to her wanting to stay together, but I think she wants to be absolutely clear in her feelings before saying that to me because I honestly believe she doesn't want to hurt me by saying she wants to make it work and then if it doesn't, leave.
And I guess for now, I'm ok with that. We'll be very busy the next few months with some travel, family events, Christmas parties, etc so if she hasn't made a commitment by the first of the year I'll have to press the issue.
I told her about a month and a half ago that there were a lot of things we DO NEED to discuss, but I wouldn't bring up any R talk until she was ready. And I think she appreciated that. No pressure, right? Shortly after I basically said F you to her when she once again tried to blame me for her affair and then said she needed to figure this out but I wouldn't bring it up again until she was ready, she seems to have turned the corner.
Like you said earlier, it's a huge rollercoaster, but as WDID points out to me, we have made HUGE strides the last couple months. And I don't know if you saw the conversation going on about our bed or not, but a number of us here suspect that she was with OM in our martial bed at least once and probably twice so that's a stumbling block as she won't sleep in bed with me at home, but if we leave town she will. So last weekend we bought a bed set. And W said she would move back to the bed when we got it. So it all kind of adds up. Of course, W says she doesn't like our bed and that's why she's sleeping on the couch, but we've had the bed for 20 years, why did she just discover she doesn't like it? Probably just her saving face and not wanting to tell me she was with OM in it and it bothers her.
Which is all good. I see such conflict in her. And that conflict is good IMHO. I see her having feelings for me but that would mean that the affair was a waste and she's not ready to face that yet. But it's coming. I can see it. I just have to be patient.
This past weekend is a perfect example. In a couple weeks we were going to Columbus for the Ohio State/Mich game (no tickets, just the atmosphere) and W said to me, we should be in Gatlinburg. So we changed our plans to go to Gatlinburg that weekend. Gatlinburg is where we ALWAYS went for our anniversary weekend, so for her to suggest going there, I thought was big.
Ok, I've rambled enough. Got to get some work done. Thanks for checking in on me.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
