It's all very tricky Trapt, and I don't think there is a single3 best answer. Best approach is to watch very closely and be thoughtful about what you do.
If I were you I would continue. I wouldn't want the wife to think I was avoiding her, explicitly, but I would want her to think I was busy with other things and that she would need to starty stepping up to get me back. Her saying to a third party "Trapt" is not really speaking with me." is not enough. That is not her stepping up and taking positive action. That is her bemoaning her situation. If she wants you there, she should ask you. She should have to take some specific direct positive action to get you to respond. If she says "you are avoiding me" that is a complaint. I would want her to say "I would like you to spend more time with me." That is positive action.
I'm rooting for her. and for you. Certainly you don't want to discourage her. But giving yourself to her, too easily, is not right for you. or her. or your marriage.
Did you ever watch those nature shows? Watch the lions or big cats as the mothers teach the little ones to hunt. They don't "give" them anything. The little ones have to work for it. If the mother just gave food to the young cats, the young ones would never learn to hunt, and would eventually starve.
You wrote: A part of me wants to do this, but I'm very cautious and don't want to pressure her. She has Agreed. I said I would get back with them on this. Again I have NO EXPECTATIONS.
but I missed the part about how you received the invitation. Did the daycare people invite you?
If it were me, and I wanted to do bible study, I would go.
On the other hand, if I wanted to show my wife that I had my own life, if I was trying to show her that I had my own thing and that she was in danger of losing me, I might not go. I might go to a bible study elsewhere. I might remain distant, not so available.
If you are thinking, this bible study is a chance to reconcile, rethink. It seems that it is someone else making the effort, making the invitation, not your wife.
Rebuilding is a lot harder than agreeing to a bible study. Rebuilding will present many challenges to both of you. She has to want to do it. She has to deeply want it. She has to work for it. You will not rebuild because someone invited you to bible study.
At the same time I wouldn't want to be too sour grapes about it. I mean - she wants you to be nearer, she just does not know how to ask.
she said -"I feel like if I come back you will never let me live this down.""You will hang this over my head." I have stated I understand your feeling that way,but I really don't agree with you about forgiveness, the past is the past.
Her feeling is completely understandable. You need to walk the line between encouraging her, and maintaining your own standards. Don't give yourself away too cheaply.
Like I said I am rooting for her. and for you. The point is not to make her path difficult. or to lay guilt on her. The point is to maintain an appropriate value for yourself - she HAS TO REALLY WANT YOU if this is going to work, and that means she is going to have to prove herself to you. She is actually going to have to WORK.
