Yes, it gets better. You cannot imagine old age without him - I totally understand that. because I was the same way. But at some point you need to be able to imagine it. I know, you don't WANT it. But this is the irony - you have to be able to imagine the future without him, and on top of that, it must be GOOD in your imagination, in order for you to have a future WITH him. Does that make sense?
You need to be independently confident and strong and healthy, before you will be able to be healthy WITH him. So get bizzy imagining. If you cannot imagine a future without him, that is your homework. Start now. Start imagining. What would your dreamhouse look like? or where would you live? What would you do for a living? Would you travel? live on a boat? Work in a school? etc etc.
You need to get to a point where you can easily imagine a future that YOU yourself create for you. And it is good practice to imagine. Imagine all sorts of things. what would life be like if you lost your current business. Not to say that is what you wANT. But what would you do? Surely you would survive that kind of loss. How? What would you do? back to school? a different industry? Same industry but a fresh start? Imagine it.
Practice imagining. Envision yourself doing all sorts of good things in response to tough stuff.
When I was in competitive athletics, that was one of the key parts of my training - envisioning the race. I'd envision it exactly as I wanted it to go. And then when I was out there competing, it was as if I had already been there, already had been under stress. That's what envisioning helps with.
And as you practice envisioning, pretty soon you will be doing the things you had envisioned. And you will be strong, and attractive and either he will come back to you, or you will attract some other source of joy and you will be happy.
The key thing is to begin to look forward. That is the first step. Ban backward thinking from your mind. It is paralyzing. "Why oh why etc etc" is not productive, not helpful to you. I don't mean to cast aside your concerns but you do need to learn a new tune, at some point. Sure, we all have regrets, but we must not dwell on them.
