I would trade a trip to Sydney for a trip to NY any day. We took our kids there about 10 years ago and it was a fantastic city.
I think you would have to have lots of money to live there. although sydney is big anfd there is fantastic shopping, not sure it can compete with New Yorks diversity and choice.
I am confused and sad etc. Family went to a wedding up north and I went with my mother to our fmily home also up north. My S20 decided to drive us there and then he went on to the wedding. He then left earlier than everyone else to pick us up. One of the reasons i went away was to stop kids worrying about me being home alone.
When we arrived home he was there and he gave me the most evilest look. It seems he tried to talk to kids while he was away and they were trying to say they needed more of him and he was getting defensive. He is so about himself. Of course as I have asked for no contact i did not feel I should say anything.
What to do. I see my C tommorrow again. I feel that if I make contact i go back to smoothering because my head and heart is screaming for him.
I want to explain and be friends . What says i am driving im away.
Maybe you can explain to him that you need no contact to help get over what he's been doing. That you want to remain civil and be friendly for the kids. At this time though, you need space away from him to put yourself in a better place. That this space is just for yourself; just make sure that you emphasize that there is no OM. Just time for you. It's nothing personal against him; it's for you.
Also, let him know that what the kids are feeling is nothing that you control nor encourage. That's between your H and the kids. They will have to discuss amongst themselves.
I don't know if some might think this busts DB principles; but you have to comfortable with what you are doing. Just try to avoid any discussion about the M. There will be time for that when he quits seeing OW and wants to come home.
I did not send email. Thought he knows what I need as i wrote an email a week ago and it was a nice email.
I think I anm an easy target to blame for everything.He does not think he is to blame for anything. If it drives him away so be it. Nothing I say will help me. I have to get myself to a place of letting go. I cannot be worried about his relationship with kids or OW.
I just wish I was back M. I I I I have no patience and fading hope.
Please tell me this gets better. I still cannot imagine old age without him.
Yes, it gets better. You cannot imagine old age without him - I totally understand that. because I was the same way. But at some point you need to be able to imagine it. I know, you don't WANT it. But this is the irony - you have to be able to imagine the future without him, and on top of that, it must be GOOD in your imagination, in order for you to have a future WITH him. Does that make sense?
You need to be independently confident and strong and healthy, before you will be able to be healthy WITH him. So get bizzy imagining. If you cannot imagine a future without him, that is your homework. Start now. Start imagining. What would your dreamhouse look like? or where would you live? What would you do for a living? Would you travel? live on a boat? Work in a school? etc etc.
You need to get to a point where you can easily imagine a future that YOU yourself create for you. And it is good practice to imagine. Imagine all sorts of things. what would life be like if you lost your current business. Not to say that is what you wANT. But what would you do? Surely you would survive that kind of loss. How? What would you do? back to school? a different industry? Same industry but a fresh start? Imagine it.
Practice imagining. Envision yourself doing all sorts of good things in response to tough stuff.
When I was in competitive athletics, that was one of the key parts of my training - envisioning the race. I'd envision it exactly as I wanted it to go. And then when I was out there competing, it was as if I had already been there, already had been under stress. That's what envisioning helps with.
And as you practice envisioning, pretty soon you will be doing the things you had envisioned. And you will be strong, and attractive and either he will come back to you, or you will attract some other source of joy and you will be happy.
The key thing is to begin to look forward. That is the first step. Ban backward thinking from your mind. It is paralyzing. "Why oh why etc etc" is not productive, not helpful to you. I don't mean to cast aside your concerns but you do need to learn a new tune, at some point. Sure, we all have regrets, but we must not dwell on them.
