MY sister in law, who is a lawyer back east told me that the judge can rule that he get a second job to fulfill his financial obligations. He may just have to do that.
We have very tough rules in our state. If a person does not pay child support, they are rounded up and put in jail. I am not saying I support that because if they are sitting in jail, how can they possibly work.
Just be prepared that he may have to get one or two more jobs to meet these obligations.
And we'll see just what ow is made of when she finds out how much he has to pay in support, etc. I doubt she is going to like this.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
MWG....my H appears to be in his own world of law....says i'm not going to get as much as I think, that he HAS to be able to live....maybe he's right...I'm sure I'll be the one screwed, I usually am...
Today I'm just totally down....crying off and on....my life just seems to be going slowly down the tubes...I want off the ride...I've had enough....he's taken part of my soul...my spirit...and stomped on it....my gut is sore from all the punching...
Saw him yesterday as he was sitting on my couch after he dropped son off..he had made a fire....then as soon as I came home he hopped up and left....if I had known all these years I was just making him miserable.....but all I did was take care of him...and love him....and stand by him....thick or thin....
So, will someone tell me.....Is he really as happy as he claims to be? How? He has to be hurting...doesn't he? this is a mess....a total mess....no sane person could be happy...why did he wait days to call and tell me the results? Why didn't he say I'm sorry? or hug me? my lonliness is sometimes unbearable....
And OW...she loves him for who he is...he's changed, remember...she opened her home to him...it's his safe place now...they're soul mates....UGHHH!!BLAH!!!!I want to vomit...
And why doesnt he ask how I"m doing? doesnt he care? after 30 years...he cant even treat me like a human being....every time I think I'm doing better....I'm not...I'm numb, in shock and living the worst nightmare ever...
I'm trying but being punched in the gut on a daily basis is not my idea of fun..
Last edited by Treese; 11/10/0806:12 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, I really am so sorry, but you have to let this man go. You will/may never know whether he regrets or thinks of you etc. People can tell you he does, is not happy etc, quote some person they know who said this or that BUT it is only him that can tell you. Only him that can choose to work on your marriage whatever you do or say is not going to make any difference. I so know the pain you are feeling with the exception of a love child my x left after 40 years together, no contact. This year he contacted his d for the first time in 8 years, he told her he is happy. Asked after me? why after all these years. I don't know if you are luckier than me still seeing him or not. I know that unless you truly let go in your heart and mind you will be trapped in this viscious circle. I have no idea what the answer is but I do know how your heart aches. We survive, we have to. Please take care of you and look after yourself financially as best you can. Your h will not have your best interest at heart so you must protect and care for your family as best you can. Your life has and will change even more before this is finished so I would suggest you get legal advice ASAP, it does not have to be the start of a D but it will give you information and the best way to protect yourself. Breathe deeply, what is done is done no amount of tears can undo it, you can limit the damage. Take care I am thinking of you.
(((((Treese))))) I'm glad I waited to post.... I don't think I could have said it any better than naej!
Anything we assume about how he feels or doesn't feel is just a guess. The only thing that matters right now are his actions. And his actions say that he hasn't respected you as a person, let alone a wife for at least a decade.
It's time for you to respect yourself. You are a good person. A good mother. A good wife. You did do your best, you always did what you thought was right. Be proud of what you've done, and of the kids you've raised. And make sure that you give yourself the respect that you deserve!
Unfortunately, I also I agree with naej that you need to protect yourself legally. Talk to a lawyer. There may be things that you can do to protect yourself and the kids by getting their "first". I have no idea, but it can't hurt to find out. AS naej said, you H will be looking out for himself, and his lawyer will be looking out for your H. That doesn't leave anyone looking out for you, and your kids. It's up to you now, to make sure that doesn't happen. We'll all be here for you. You are not alone!
The courts will be hard on him. Don't think for a second that he is happy. How can he be when his world is crumbling all around him? He is not going to show you that things are bad, instead he is going to put on a big show for you.
Telling you that you may not get as much as you think, well, let the judge be the ruling authority of that one as it is not for your h to decide.
I think your h is in for a very rude awakening.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
It's time for you to respect yourself. You are a good person. A good mother. A good wife. You did do your best, you always did what you thought was right. Be proud of what you've done, and of the kids you've raised. And make sure that you give yourself the respect that you deserve!
Treese, I am sooo very sorry that things have went the way they have for you. I was so praying for better days...maybe they still will come, just not the way you planned. The above quote is SOOO true. People have said the very same things to me. And they are right. BUT, they are empty words. Even though I know they are true they don't change how I feel. They don't make it any easier. I really do understand your pain. Keeping up with your sitch has almost been a mirror image of my own.
But I do believe that above everything else, we really do have to do what is right for US. And there really is NOTHING we can do to change our H's minds. You have to pick your self up and move forward, where ever that may be. Do what is BEST for TREESE. Find that glimmer of hope for a better life for YOU. And move towards it Treese...
(((treese))) and best wishes TOH
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Treese, TOH posted a beautiful posting to you and I couldn't have said it better. It's time for Treese to focus on your family and on you. Your h is still out in la la land and will be there for quite some time. You have to be the strong one here and take care of Treese. There's absolutely nothing you can do for him right now and the worry and anxiety you are experiencing are very normal for the type of situation you've been thrown into.
Treese, I will be very surprised if the judge doesn't advise him to get a second job. The judicial system usually isn't very kind about such things. Your h is just trying on a new mantra, trying to believe everything will be okay....it's called denial. You are the one that is looking at the world through clear glasses and can see the handwriting on the wall. You are the one that is preparing for the fall out and you are the one that is strong and independent and will take care of your family....your h can't see the forest for the trees.
Treese, be kind to yourself....be the best you can be. You and your family will be okay, but it's going to be a rough road to travel for a while, but at the end of the day....all of you are and will continue to be survivors. I truly believe that.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
