WOW. Thank you for filling in the blanks. Now your H's response makes complete sense. I am truly sad to learn that you've been repeatedly sending "cute" e/m's like this. And not at all surprised that your H sees them as pursuing and pressuring...b/c they are...and none too subtle efforts at that. And thus what you see as "cute" e/m's -- he sees as transparent pursuit.
In fact, as soon as you described the the squirrel giving a back rub e/m (which BTW I also got in an e/m so I know exactly what it is) I instantly thought of the back rubs that you give your H. And I cringed. And if it instantly made me think of that -- then that is obviously exactly what your H thought of too. How could it not?
Finally, what he sees as a barrage of pursuing e/m's, made your H so uncomfortable -- that he decided that the only way to get you to stop -- was to once again tell you he is not interested in trying to restore your marriage. BTW this is only a defense mechanism. While your intent may not have been pursuit -- that IS the result so you must deal with that fact.
This has NOT been allowing God to be in control. This has been YOU trying to move things along and create change. You must stop all this pursuit now. You must do a major 180 and leave him alone -- so that he has the space to miss you. Let the next contact and all contacts from now on be by your H. At this point, your H must be the one to reach out to you and and your part is only to respond...never instigate a contact.
I do think you need to do some damage control with your response to his e/m. But it should only echo back to him his own words. That way he will feel heard and validated. And in fact, you should own the problems as the bible tells us to do. Adding anything else will be pressure.
I would write something like this...
H,
Thank you for taking the time to help me understand how you feel. It is kind of you to acknowledge that I have been extremely supportive of you throughout our separation -- but that you feel that you cannot get over our past problems. I appreciate that you can't see us getting back together, even after all this time. And you're right, I did create too many fights -- and I am sorry that my actions caused us to spend too many nights sleeping apart. I can see why you feel that I gave you reason to feel that I didn't understand you or meet your needs. And for that I am truly sorry. All I want is the best for you and for you to be happy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Love, PH
Now for the very GOOD NEWS...
Quote:
He says he still loves me, and thinks about me and our dog every day.
He says he struggles with our past problems every single day.
Your H STILL LOVES YOU VERY MUCH. He is NOT over you at all!!!!!
While it may seem like your H's e/m isn't positive. All I see is a man distancing himself b/c he's felt pressured and pursued. Now is the time for you to step back -- to take your hands off it completely -- and to truly allow God to be 100% in control.
What your H needs is the space and time to allow God to work on his heart without your help.
