Hey peace- Do you think that the only incentive your H has for not pulling the trigger is financial? You have always said how generous he has been to you and the kids. You live in the house...he lives in a rented room or apartment...right? Would he be worse off financially if the D went through? It doesn't sound like it. I believe your H is afraid of the same thing my H is...making a committment. I think the only real difference is that my H needs to keep a connection by giving me crumbs and your H keeps the connection by coming to your house using the kids as the excuse.
IMO, you have to listen to your gut. If you aren't ready to let completely go of the M, then don't proceed with the D. If you are ready to move on and close the door (at least for now) then go forward with the D. Your post makes it sound like you are not ready to completely give up...if that is so, then let the D drop and see what happens.
