I think I'm done......saddened, but strong.....

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you again, Snodderly, and DoH, for your kind advice. I did go over to the OW's house today, but again she wasn't there. So, I guess the fates really are trying to tell me somthing so I should listen. It's just wierd in my case because this is a woman we've known for 7 years! My H hired her when he worked at his previous employer when she was just 20 (her first "real" job). We went to wedding! We've had dinner at her parent's house! When my H hired her on as his assistant at his current employer, I was glad! The three of us commuted together for 2 years! When she had her baby, I convinced H to buy her the $600 camcorder as a shower gift because she's like family!! I just have this strong need to face her and ask her why! I just don't understand!!!

I know this shouldn't matter so much in this day and age, but the fact that my H and I had only "been with" each other was so precious to me! I saw us as sacred. And, I just don't see how I will ever get over this! I know all the answers....GAL, 180, etc......and I am lucky he is going to MC and seems to be finally seeing some repurcussions to his actions.......and I need to be patient and just have my own life. Today, I went to lunch with my best friend. Then got my nails done. Then went to the bookstore and got, among other things, "After the Affair". I've started Zen Buddhist Meditation for my mental health (I am not a religeous person). In fact, everyone tells me how amazing I am that I am doing so well! That I'm so strong! And that he doesn't deserve me, etc......

I know it all!!! And it doesn't help!! I don't know how I'm ever going to get through this! I know I will, because I have to for my kids! But I have no idea how I'm going to accomplish it.