Just spent the best few days in a long time. I quickly shook off Ex's email about the kids thanks to my venting here. Also, several positive things happened, including being reminded of grace and forgiveness. Combine that with this is MAX COLOR for fall here...
Things are good.
We had an early freeze and rather cool weather - you would not believe the red, orange, gold, yellow palette
I have the kids this weekend and that is also good. I picked them up from Ex Thursday. D7 was crying again but quickly stopped. Ex did not show her tail - crying too most likely.
Her problem, not mine. Being a super mom has its price.
I also read a great article in the paper by family psychologist John Rosemond that describes my situation to a 'T'.
A woman wrote asking his opinion of going back to work after quiting to have kids. Her "uninvolved father" husband thinks it a good idea and "wants her to be happy" since she "resented" not having a job. But she was conflicted b/c she was giving "150%" to her kids.
Rosemond did not mince words. I wish he were speaking to my Ex before my insanity happened. He wrote:
"I don't think a self-sacrificing mom insures anything except perhaps a child who is excessively dependent upon mom.
"As for your H, the "uninvolved father" who wants what is best for his W, perhaps you are so involved with your children that he has difficulty feeling like he can get involved without your micromanagement. Any woman who says she is giving more that 1/3 of herself to her kids is, by definition, a 3M mom: a magnificent maternal micromanager. Obviously you more than qualify."
Instead of being 150% involved, Rosemond goes on to say to her "A HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULD BE INVOLVED WITH ONE ANOTHER. And yes, I'm yelling, b/c all-too-many of today's parents need to be strapped to chairs and made to listen to a tape loop of the previous sentence blaring over a loudspeaker until they get it.
"There is nothing that secures a child's sense of well-being and releases his capacity for self-sufficiency more reliably than knowing his parents are in relationshiop with one another. Perhaps, and I say this gently, you have so immersed yourself in the role of mom that you have neglected your marriage."
Standing ovation!! That is my situation in a nutshell. I have been blaming me 100% but these words, which I have known since this started, ring true and remind me that I was not the total blame here.
In fact, there was most likely nothing I could have done b/c she did not hear these words and if she did she would have dismissed them.
She cannot accept the blame for anything. She would deny the super mom label. That is why they never reconsider. That is why the anger. That is why all the blame falls my way in her eyes.
Too bad. Maybe I could not have done anything regardless and that is a comfort (reminds me of FIB's pdf book), but I still have much work to do on me. I must become stronger and roll model for my kids so they don't become dependent on mom, or me, or anyone else for that matter.
