So yesterday really sucked. I am still feeling pretty crappy today but made myself go out in the world. Got hit on by truly creepy TaeKwon-Do "headmaster." I know when someone flirts with you it should make you feel good, but ICK!
Got a new cellphone because the old one died. Why does every stinking activity that I do without H remind me of H, or make me wish H were there? Had to call H (bad because currently employing LRT and not pursuing) to tell him I bought the phone (his account). I could tell his cell was on but he let the call go to VM. That is like a knife to the gut. Needless to say, he will not be returning the call.
This afternoon's plan - go to coffee shop and continue re-reading DR to try to learn more and to try to get back some PMA. Also, bought a book on grieving loss. I have massive fear of abandonment and I have never addressed it. (My dad died when I was six - not long and drawn out just into the hospital on Friday and dead by Tuesday - undiagnosed lung cancer - so I did not see it coming. Spent many years telling H I was afraid he would die young, like my dad. Living self-fulling prophesy - H left me young (albeit, he did not die but still he abandoned me.))
So, it has dawned on me that part of GAL for me, in addition to taking classes, is to address my own emotional problems. Spent years relying on H to make me happy or feel better. Still want him to do it now. NOT AN OPTION!!! I hope this book will be a good starting point.
