MC the pain that she's trying to numb is internal, from the past. Not from you, not from the kids. Something bigger, badder, scarier.
I've tried telling her in different ways over the years that my love was unconditional. That I knew she was in inner turmoil; and I wanted her to trust me enough to be able work through that, that I was not going anywhere. I thought she would realize that having the security of a loving husband who would always be there would allow her the time and space to heal from the wounds that fester in her soul.
Guess it wasn't what she needed.
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The high from "other man attention" is more intense than heroin, & harder to stop, according to my Doc. Especially if her past is anything similar to mine.
How does one recover from that addiction? Seems harder to recover from "other man attention" than it is alcohol?
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Take care of you & the kids. "fake it til you make it"
I've been faking it, that's for sure. I'm not sure what I'm making towards, D or Reconciliation? She doesn't seem to possess the skills or desire to be a responsible adult. So if I D her, she'll have trouble living on her own. My conscience doesn't want the mother of my children living like a bum.
OTOH, I can't continue to live in a situation where she treats the family like she has. My kids have accepted this as normal and it's not. I don't like living where my W treats me like a high school boyfriend that she's just dumped. Let's be friends and do it right for the kids. It's not right for the kids. She just doesn't care right now.
So, I'm torn. Right now, financially D would not be the best option. Soon, I'll have the finances in better shape and then it could be game on. I really believe that she's waiting on me to file. I'd really be surprised if she filed first. One, she doesn't have the money. Two, if I file first, it justifies that I want out of the M as well. Which I do, at least the one we've been living.
The only wildcard in that theory is if she meets a man she wants; she'll move heaven and earth to make it happen. That's how she got me. It's I want what I want at all costs. She's not thinking that she'll get a load of our debt, she'll have to get a different auto, she'll have to pay for a place to stay.
All of the above were never mentioned in her talk about a settlement. She seemed only concerned about her having the kids 50 percent of the time; which would be an increase of nearly 48% over the time she has them now. She wants to NOT have to pay CS, while I pay alimony for her a place to live; so that she can qualify for free school money as a single mom and be "honestly" divorced so that she can land another man. That's my thought.
She needs a touch of reality in my opinion.
Again, SC.... I appreciate your time. You are truly courageous for what you do here. I've read your threads and I know it's been a struggle for you as well. But, you are a brave one. I wish my W could be as well.
