Creeping through no man's land

[ACJ]

TL I read your thread and I hope your mood picks up soon.

I went to a friend's birthday meal last night. It was a nice evening and even better that it cost me nothing. Her daughter was supposed to get M in the summer but she called it off about two months before the day. They had paid a massive deposit at the hotel. The hotel said this wasn't refundable but they could spend it over a period of time by doing things like last night.

S16 came to keep D13 company so that I wasn't worrying about leaving her on her own whilst I was out. Before I went I managed to take him to one side and tell him how low I am b/c I never see him (or rarely). He told me that he is still at his father's b/c that's where I want him to be. He said if I hadn't wanted it I would never have sent him there in the first place. That obviously pushed a few buttons but I did my best to explain my actions and to tell him (yet again) how this was not the case and that he is still there through his own choice. I asked him if H had told him that if it gets too cold in the conservatory he is currently sleeping in he can come home until his purpose built bedroom has been constructed. He said 'sort of'. When I aksed him what he meant by this he said H had told him that my L had written to him saying that S16 had to go home if it got too cold! So he still continues to twist words. I offered to show S16 my copy of the letter she sent so that he could see that my version was more accurate but he said he did not want to see it as he wants to know nothing about the D. I pointed out to him that by doing this he is unwittingly allowing H to manipulate him. Then I cried a lot and let it drop.

You can tell how far off this planet I am at the moment b/c even though I knew I was going out for a meal I still sat down to eat with S16 and D13 and didn't even think about it until I got half way to my friend's house to pick her up! So as you can imagine I feel very full today

Still no word from my L. It's really affecting me now and I'm almost at the stage where I don't want to get out of bed for fear of what I'm going to find the postman has delivered to me. I know that's irrational but that's how I feel.

Somehow I've managed to persuade S16 to come and stay again tonight. When he asked me why I wanted him to I just said 'because I am your mum and as far as I am concerned this is where you belong'. It was only after this that he agreed.

SIL sent me a TM whilst out last night asking if I wanted to go to their house for a bonfire party tonight. I've agreed but know it will be hard b/c I assume H and OW and MIL will be there not to mention 'our' friends who have not spoken to me since all of this happened and have become very attached to OW. However I'm going b/c D13 needs to keep in contact with her family. S16 will be at work.