I'm sorry for not posting yesterday. I had the day off and I was surprised that H did too. Was unexpected. His work is slowing down, and he thinks that he may be layed off next week. That's early, but there is nothing that we can do about it. At least we didn't buy that truck.
We had beautiful weather yesterday, and with both of us home we used the time to work outside. H taught me how to run the Bobcat, something that I have always wanted to do, so that was a plus. I have asked a couple of times over the years, and he has never let me. Yesterday we were needing to move a heavy spool of wire, and he said "I don't supposed you can run the Bobcat?" He then took time to teach me and directed me over to a space in the property to play around with it. It was fun, and I was able to be a bigger help to him.
We had a nice day together and got a lot done. I guess that's why the alien attack came as such a big surprise to me. It was about 4 pm and we were in his truck returning a trencher that we had rented. I looked around and said, "it's such a beautiful day today and it's going to be such a wonderful night. A perfect night for a bonfire." "Hey, maybe we can go over to Smith's later?" They have a bonfire every Friday night and we have been to several together over the past couple of months.
OMG! I had never even seen the transformation! In the short amount of time since we had left our driveway and driven perhaps 3/10th of a mile the alien had changed places with H. He blew up at me. He had spent the day with me, he had tried to be nice, so why was I insisting on planning every part of his schedule for him? What? He had asked me to do these things, to help him work on our home today? Believe me, it was not my idea to be moving rocks and crawling in the dirt running wire. I had things already planned that I was going to do on my day off. But he needed help working at our place so I agreed.
He went on and on, and was his usual mean self. I cried all the way to the equipment rental place, and did not get out of the truck when we arrived. He then continued with his rant all the way home. He told me that he wanted to be alone, that he wanted to be single, and remain single for the rest of his life. He plamed me for all of the things that are wrong in his life, everything was my fault. He went on and on. I have to admit that at one point I just considered opening the door and throwing myself out of the truck on the highway. I felt so trapped, so beaten down. But I didn't. I just cried all the way home. Part of me knew that he was just being crazy.
When ge got home I went in the house and up to the bedroom. I layed down and pretty much cried myself to sleep. I woke up almost 2 hours later and went downstairs and began to clean up the kitchen. He was still outside working, and came in while I was half way finished. Guess what? Nice H was back and he was asking whether I wanted dinner and if I wanted to go over to Smith's or not. WTF? This time I flipped out. I told him that I could not handle these mood swings of his, that I deserved better than this and that I was sick of his treatment of me. He tried to come up with some excuse, but I did not accept it. I told him that I would love to go to Smith's some other Friday night, but I didn't want to go anywhere with him now. I finished the kitchen and went down to the basement to puts some drygoods away that we store on shelves there. My S25 called while I was doing that, so I grabbed a beer our of the second fridge that is down there and went out to the deck so I could get a signal on my phone. S and I had a wonderful talk. He and F are getting things worked out, and he had lots to tell me. I was out on the deck (it was a beautiful night) for some time and H came looking for me. He was upset to find me talking on the phone, I could tell that his jealous/parinoid side was showing. I told him I was talking to S.
When I came in I finished up in the basement and then went back upstairs to the bedroom. I did not sleep well, woke up every couple of hours. I got up this am and H is already being nasty/petty when I went down to get some coffee. He told me "don't talk to me, NEVER talk to me again."
Whatever. I am off his rollercoaster. I'm going to get some stuff together to take to Goodwill this morning, and try to go over to my S22 to watch the football game. H wants to be single, he can feel single today. Single and alone.
One of the things that hurt so much yesterday was that he said I had no life, I was boring and had no friends. That is so not true. I have all kinds of friends, and I can find lots of things to do. People don't really come over to our house right now, because they don't know what kind of mood H is going to be in. My girlfriends are all married and usually do things with their H on Friday night. I don't want to spend the night sitting in the bar, and I sure don't want to go do that by myself.
All I did was say, Hey maybe we could.... and the beast was unleashed. F him.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
