He knows where you are if he wants to see you/speak to you. Respect his space, hes asked you for it? At the very least, send him a light, jokey text, something like, hope your head is ok today, speak later.. leave it at that !!
Dont pursue, IMO?
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Not sure on this as we have plans for the day and he has asked me directly to come to the house. He just hasn't said when. I am going to leave it as long as I can, but at some point will need to talk to him as he may just be assuming that I'm coming over by some certain time. We are driving to Northern Ireland and it's about a 90 minute drive so I don't want to push it too late...
I wish this was easier and more natural. He never even told me he was out drinking last night, so I could be wrong on this too. I doubt it, but I'll wait til he tells me himself...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I think my new plan is that I am going to call around 10, and get an idea about whether he actually still wants to hang out. If he is irritable and sounds disinterested or like he is doing me a favor, I may in fact decline to spend time with him and go over on Sunday instead.
Hey ITH
I like this plan. Just stop by at the time you think will be appropriate and be prepared to leave again - in fact it may be 180 for you to do so. Show him you are not hanging on his every demand. If he can't be respectful to you (i.e. if he seems disinterested as you said) just say leave him to his funk and show him that you have plans and GALing and you are not reliant on him.
This is what I would do. Perhaps don't go over too early if you think he will be hungover, I know I wouldn't appreciate that myself
So I got a text from him, just one word, a joke that we always use, just said "so", but it was in response to the text I sent last night asking him to have breakfast and coffee waiting for me...
Now he's online so just let him know which train I was planning to take, and he seemed fine with that.
OK am going to try and not be nervous. It was a good start to the day to get a joking text after all...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Arrived at the house. H had the shower running so I called out loudly so he would know I was in the house. He came out, naked, and gave me a half hug (better than usual) and a semi-kiss on the lips.
He seemed really cheerful, and went on to tell me about some movie he'd been watching, naked all the while. I asked him if he was still up for driving to the outlets. He said yes and so I thanked him...
Now he's in the shower, and I'm upstairs. I checked our room, and the picture of us is still out. That's good. He has turned the DB book around again, with the spine facing the wall. So he's consciously touching the book, but no idea if he looks at it or not...
OK going to start this odd day now. Will post later!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
So now I am always a bit wary to put too much stock in our interactions given that I have been burned so many times before...However I can say that it has been pretty positive so far. Before we went to the outlet mall, we watched part of a movie together. Then, we went to the outlets, listened to lectures on the iPod on the way there, and were just generally friendly with each other. Oh--before we left, we walked to the store. H was going, and I asked him if he wanted me to go. He said "if you want." I had been expecting "no way," the more usual response. So I went, and it was actually kind of nice to do something more normal together.
At the outlets we just went to different stores, and H spent kind of a lot, which actually was a good sign as lately he's been wanting to save money to move out...it was fun shopping for things together, and joking around. Now we're back at the house, and he's downstairs, but called out "Hi ITH", something he hasn't done since pre-bomb. He is downloading a movie for me too. He is going to come up here and watch TV with me while he studies, whereas usually he would hang out downstairs and study.
I know, baby steps and I'm on the rollercoaster, but at least for now it's a pleasant ride...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Just have to add a couple more very small updates. I am wearing one of H's sweaters as it's cold in the house, and he actually said that I looked cute. It has been SOOOO long since he has given me a compliment. Then he said there was a rip in the sweater, and actually came up and touched me until he found it. He's asked me to come down and watch movie trailers with him too.
Believe me I know tomorrow or even tonight he could talk D, but I honestly think, really truly think, that he has warmed to me. He has actually been looking at me when I laugh, acting happy when he sees me laugh, and in general acting like the old H. He has been like this all week, but I didn't expect it to be the same in person. So yes, I am staying here tonight, but will play it by ear in terms of the number of nights I'll stay here before going back to my friend's house, probably no more than 3. I want to leave while things are very positive, but I want to be here enough that things can become more positive. It's finding the fine line...
Hoping that this shift is lasting!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
No affection in bed last night, though there were a couple of times where his arm was sort of on mine, and he didn't seem to freak out too much. He has still been relatively normalish this morning, meaning acting jokey around me and such, and not acting like I'm a leper. We have a shed in the back where we have an exercise bike and weights. I was just finishing using the bike when he came back to do weights. I immediately said that I was done anyway, and could leave. He said he didn't need the bike so it was OK if I stayed. I guess I am just being ultra-cautious about being around him much, and I think this will continue until and unless he says something that makes me feel otherwise.
I am meeting a friend in town this afternoon, so will be gone for about 6 hours. In any case this gives him some space if he needs it, and if he doesn't want it, then it will allow him to miss me. Oh how I wish I knew if these positive changes were going to last...I'm not quite sure at this point if I should be avoiding him so much thereby adding to the feeling of awkwardness, or if I should try and be around him a bit more. I guess I'll try to let him take the lead on this still.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
No affection in bed last night, though there were a couple of times where his arm was sort of on mine, and he didn't seem to freak out too much. He has still been relatively normalish this morning, meaning acting jokey around me and such, and not acting like I'm a leper. We have a shed in the back where we have an exercise bike and weights. I was just finishing using the bike when he came back to do weights. I immediately said that I was done anyway, and could leave. He said he didn't need the bike so it was OK if I stayed. I guess I am just being ultra-cautious about being around him much, and I think this will continue until and unless he says something that makes me feel otherwise.
I am meeting a friend in town this afternoon, so will be gone for about 6 hours. In any case this gives him some space if he needs it, and if he doesn't want it, then it will allow him to miss me. Oh how I wish I knew if these positive changes were going to last...I'm not quite sure at this point if I should be avoiding him so much thereby adding to the feeling of awkwardness, or if I should try and be around him a bit more. I guess I'll try to let him take the lead on this still.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
