Thanks right back at ya!~ Question how do I get my stats at the bottom of each post like you ? I will update in a bit I am having a bit of a bad day as she is at a Concert with a "friend" I figure when she doesn't mention a name it is OM because she knows how I feel.
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
I copied a post from the past that my help. If you would like to see more you can search his name.You will have to set the search time limit to be blank. He is Very wise to the world of mlc. Here you go. Smurf_smr is his name.
Stop believing you need them. You don't need anybody, and, indeed, the more you believe you need somebody the less likely you are to have them. Love is nice, relationships are nice, but they're not essential. You don't have to have them. The more you feel you need something, the more likely you are to radiate an air of anxiety, and panic.
The things that drags all of us down the most is our constant watching of the circumstances around us. A small trouble is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye and it fills the whole world and puts everything out of focus. Hold it at a proper distance and it can be examined and properly classified. Throw it at your feet and it can be seen in its true setting, just one more tiny bump on the pathway to life
All mlcers say that they are done and don't see a future… blah blah. So based on that there are many success stories. Just concentrate on your success. No one else’s matter.
When you take the fight away the MLC'er has to focus on themselves not on the distraction they sucked you into.
Forget that she is off with the Other Man, remember he is only a bandaid. It is important to focus on you and your Children, Your Wife will not be in crisis forever, until the light bulb goes off in his head, Work on getting a life and enjoying your children
Do not believe what you hear, and believe 1/2 of what you see.
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Always agree with your Lost Mate, no matter what. Translation: "Yes, you are right. My mother is a tub of brainless lard."
Always keep a cheery, calm, soothing voice, and an air of happy resignation about you. Translation: I am happy, too, to get this over with and move on with my life. In fact, I'm looking forward to it.
The moment you let go of something you actually gain control over it.
Midlife transition is akin to adolescence or infancy or toddlerhood. It's a human developmental phase, so in that regard, yes, it's a phase. Just as you may have gone through hell or put your parents through hell as a teen, your spouse is now putting you through hell. Yes, there's more accountability to the hell because they are "adults", but the result is often the same. Some will make choices that change their lives, just like some adolescents do. Just as an adolescent often thinks the world sucks and life as they know it is a nightmare, so do someone in MLC.
And as far as getting anything from the horses mouth you then should talk to his ass because that is what is coming out of his mouth is Sh-t
Wow great post, He doesn't pull any punches! After reading this and other post I feel that perhaps I really need to set the deadline regarding getting the separation done. We have been slowly sorting out finances etc. but now that she sees she doesn't have any money now she has been floating the idea out that we live together to save money. I can't trust her right now because she has been lying about alot. I guess my next step in GAL is to really let go and show her that I am serious and that this is her decision so she must face it. My DB coach gave me some guidelines so that I don't make it vindictive and that it can still leave the door open. My in-laws as I said think she needs a kick in the a#@ and has "lost the plot". I stressed to them that no matter what I will still be willing to work through things if she comes around.
I guess I feel if we are separate she will have the space to miss me.
Last night she was nice to me as well as this morning which kills me but at the same time she is with OM. She said she was having a friend over for dinner tomorrow and I could join them. I didn't really respond but am going to tell her thanks for the offer but I am going out with a friend for a drink and leave it at that. A 180 I think because I normally would say yes as it would be nice to spend time with her. But as my coach said I should create mystery.
Jeff
Last edited by Jeff3; 11/05/0802:28 AM.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Hey it happens, It's done and out of the way. Try not to dwell on it. Won't do you any good. It's hard at first, it will get easier. Just remember she is not with it right now.
Whatever you do don't do anything to @$$ bag om. Not even remotely worth it.
She will test you like this, show no anger and act like your as happy as can be.
It drives them even more nuts. When you start to change and not react. They have no justification then to do what they are doing. It forces them to think and they hate doing that. Obviously!
You sound like your doing well with this. Hardest damn thing you'll ever do, but do it for you. You will be a changed man for the better. Everyone that does make it seems to say their R is better than ever.
