S, I'm very sorry you are here, but you amongst some of the most wonderful and compassionate people on this earth. So, grab a chair and other posters will come along shortly.
The first thing I would like to say, is this...you are not alone, many of us have been right where you are today, especially the situation w/your son. Your son and his father are now going to need to work this issue out between them. Do not step in again. You cannot make the peace between them. Your h is the fool that created this mess, therefore, he's going to have to earn the respect back of your son. You cannot do this for him. It's going to break your heart to observe the anger dance between them, but it must take place and resolve itself on it's own time, if ever.
Second, you now have to find a way to live w/o your h in the picture. There's nothing that says he won't return, but you've got to live as if he's not going to return. You can do this. You sound like a very tough and independent lady.
No more talks w/him about the relationship. Protect your assets. If he wants the house, I would definitely make sure that he buys you out at the fair market value. This is not the time to go soft and give in to his demands. You must take care of your son and yourself. Get his name off of your bank account, credit cards and any other documents that you have. He just may be crazy and/or irrational enough to spend every last dime he can get his hands on. After all, he's out there acting out in all sorts of ways as if he were 17 himself. Trust me, burning the candle at both ends will catch up w/him in the months to come.
Keep the focus on you, your family and your assets. It's very important. Remember...only you can determine when you are tossing in the towel. I suspect that you aren't really ready to do that right now. Why? Because you wouldn't be here. We all get frustrated, toss the towel down, but then when we are feeling better, we pick it up and continue moving forward.
Mostly importantly, get plenty of rest, eat properly, walk and find something to laugh about each day. Laughter is excellent medicine for when the stressors get to you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
