Well I did call him, listened.. then told him where I was. I'd forgiven him, didn't hate him, didn't hold any grudges against him. That earlier I was so devastated and recovering from the head injury that processing information had been next to impossible.
I envisioned an endless line of court dates, money flowing out.. for what? A marriage that didn't even exist? Someone who was firmly ensconsced in his new life? A place I didn't want to be?
Divorce is tough. I have to trust my lawyer because she knows the law. But if it becomes all about lawyers then you have two very good professionals doing their best to see that their client wins, is protected. I'd like half.. it goes against precedence.. but heck.. that's what I'd like.
I let go last night.. and it was a beautiful thing. All the ick just sloughed off.. no big light bulb moment. His new joint bank account had been a surprise but in the end a good kick in the ass, head, etc.
I don't hate him. I don't wish him ill. I plan to have positive interactions with him. He has his own stuff that's his.. I have no control over that.
I will be who I am.. and stay the course.
If I have a bad day.. well heck.. better ones are around the corner.
So.. we agreed to sit together, the four of us.. him, me and our lawyers and start the process. Well.. I'm running it past my lawyer to see what she thinks. If she disagrees, we'll talk.. otherwise it's a go forward. He dropped the support court date perhaps as a gesture of goodwill.
During our conversation I was surprised when he spoke of the hurt he felt about the aggressive stances taken against him, etc. My shackles went up.. then I smoothed them down. It's all perceptions. His perspective, mine. We're in different places, each going our own way.
I felt like I had an 'lwb' moment.. thinking.. wow.. this is soooo cool.. such a neat feeling to talk like a person to this guy.
