light (albeit dim) at the end of the tunnel

[badcompany]

good news ?

W is going to withdraw or institute a stay on the divorce action.

too soon to tell what will happen though....gotta be prepared

went with her to hear the baby's heartbeat today though....nice and strong, beginning of second trimester.

she asked me if I would want another child of my own......she is already thinking of expanding our family (with me)

achtung baby !

[badcompany]

this woman I am spending time with talks an awful lot like my wife.......I struggle to understand how she wanted a divorce and loved OM to wanting to work things out with me and having more children ?

Weird....and dangerous

[Puppy Dog Tails]

BC,

It would be good at some point for the two of you to read (and go thru the exercises") "His Needs, Her Needs" by Harley. It's a great way to affair-proof your marriage going forward, as the recidivism rate, as it were, is pretty high for adultery.

Puppy

[SirPrizeMe]

yes, I agree BC, it feels dangerous.
What about counseling as a condition for reconciliation?
for the protection of both of you.

I like Harley's book, but a book is easy to escape. you read it, you forget about it. Counseling every week? harder to avoid.

[badcompany]

yes good suggestion.....wife asked me about counseling on the way home from the dr. appt.

a must.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

yes, I agree BC, it feels dangerous.
What about counseling as a condition for reconciliation?
for the protection of both of you.

I like Harley's book, but a book is easy to escape. you read it, you forget about it. Counseling every week? harder to avoid.

Preferably, both -- for the reasons SirPrizeMe mentions. The reason I still think the book would be good is that it SPECIFICALLY deals with infidelity, and the healing that needs to take place among both spouses. Ideally, a good MC who specializes in infidelity, but those are hard to find. Most MCs treat infidelity like any other marital problem, and I think there are dynamics at play with it that need addressing very specifically -- for BOTH the wayward and the betrayed spouse.

Puppy

[SirPrizeMe]

I'm no expert but my experience agrees completely with Puppy's observations. Our counselor was completely out of her depth when dealing with our situation. She was a generalist, she counseled individuals, couples, adolescents, adults, alcoholics, etc etc. But in our situation she was grasping at straws. DO NOT go to a generic counselor. Go to someone who specializes in marriage counseling, including infidelity.

When we started counseling, I was so relieved to be in counseling at all that I didn't even think about qualifying the counselor. Bad mistake.

If your transmission is broken in your vintage Cadillac, you don't bring the car to Jiffy Lube. Bring it to the experts. Interview the counselor before the two of you ever sit down with the person. Don't be afraid to interview a bunch of 'em before making a decision.

[badcompany]

well nothing eventful here.....just spending the weekend with my wife and son. Wife is going on vacation with her mom about 1800 miles away for 8 days so it will just be me, the boy, and my FIL. I hope she misses me....I know she'll miss our son....she's never been away from him for more than 2 days.

[badcompany]

well I'm on my own for a whole week starting today...plenty of time to think about where things are going, spend time with my son, talk to my pastor, and look for an MC who doesn't treat infidelity like more of the same. Hope everyone here is doing well. Say a prayer that my wife and MIL's flights are safe. Thanks


BC

[badcompany]

p.s. I posted over in 'sexual issues' if you guys want to have a look and offer any advice. Would be appreciated. Thanks.