Can't I Take Away All This Pain

[Sugar and Spice]

But what I AM to blame for was what I did to further deteriorate the M. My communication was terrible. I was hurt, angry, disappointed, you name it, and I wanted to be sure H knew, and many times, I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting, so I pointed out every little thing he did wrong. I would remind him of the poor choices he made. Back then, I could not see that this is what I was really doing. But today, I can look back and see that I was just as wrong as H was.

That is exactly how I felt and handled it. Man, I could have written that myself.

I understand the sarcasm. Honestly, I do. H and I were like that for a long time, too. There's nothing wrong when it's all in fun!

I just wonder how it helps your sitch to use it when H does something you disapprove of and then tell him so in this manner. For example, when he was in the park and something happened with his car (I think?), then it was pointed out to him that he wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for the bad choices he made and continues to make. It's pretty much being rubbed in his face.

You are right and I own it. It did nothing to help, it was just another example of me getting a dig in. Its something I need to seriously work on, for this R or any other that I am in. It doesn't help, it just creates more animosity and hurt...

Let me explain that I am not bringing up stuff that happened in the past to relive it and say "look where you're 'wrong'". Instead, I'm just giving an example in your sitch of what doesn't work. These fallouts seem to happen quite a bit.

Say what you feel you need to, but try to remember, as you just said, to choose your words carefully. I think if you could do that, you might begin to see some kind of progress. Not necessarily with the M, but with the R.

GF its good to bring up the past though because I have to learn from my past mistakes. If I continue a pattern of action that netted me negative results, continuing it will only further the negative results, so having it pointed out is a good learning experience for me. Its a chance to leave alone whats isn't broken but learn from and fix those things that are. I do need to choose my words more carefully and when I am angry or frustrated, reserve my comments for a later time when I am better able to express myself.

You really made me think. I am very reactive and when I make comments that shame or rub his face in it, it has the opposite result of what I want. The other night I was hurt and disappointed and I wanted him to feel as badly as I did and I see that now. It not that what I said wasn't truthful, it just wasn't helpful and he didn't recieve it because of the manner in which it was said. Hmmmmmm, breakthrough? This is my new goal, not only with H but in all my relationships. Man...I am a SCREAMING cancer when it comes to this part of me (Hard shell, retreat but always there with the pinchers if you get close enough to hurt me).

Man GF, you rock...Thanks. I needed this, seriously. I owe you.

Hi Corey! Hope you're having a great day!

((hugs))

Thanks, nobodby has found the bodies so I'm good! And since I haven't said too much here, I can ask you all to be character witnesses without making you accessories after the fact! Sorry I've been neglecting your thread. I will come over this weekend and catch up.