Surrendering to hope

[istherehope]

Hi Sep and Ali,

Sep--I am trying so hard not to be scared. I know I need to be positive again, and it's just that I feel like I have been through the wringer. I always believe his positive actions and statements, and then I end up thinking things are OK and he flips again...I think in terms of R talk, I will sadly need to focus only on him as I have gotten the advice that he feels as though I am not listening to him. Of course this means that I am likely going to need to listen to extreme negativity without crying and arguing, but I will need to listen...I did tell him that this was impacting me at my job etc., and it freaked him out, so I think I need to stay away from this for the moment. I do just want a good day with him, like I thought we'd had in Galway...

Ali--he's asked me how long I am staying at my friend's, and I'd said at least through tonight. Then he said that he would pick me up tomorrow, so I assume that he thinks I'm staying with him. However, I guess I will deal with this technicality after the outlets (assuming we still go). We IMd a very little bit today. He said only that it was a hellish day at work, asked how I was...I was at lunch so didn't respond, and he called me a couple of nicknames. Then there was no more talk until 5 PM when I had to tell him that the repairman had texted me about going to the house. He said he was going to some open house thing at his school tonight. I went to a meeting, came back, and he was offline. So I texted him to ask what time he was coming to pick me up tomorrow, but haven't heard yet in 2 hours...This is pretty annoying as it means I will have to pursue him at some point if he doesn't contact me back. I sort of have the feeling that he will reach out late tonight, but I am not too sure.

OK maybe I should watch the Secret or something to try to get myself in a more positive mood!

ITH