Doing pretty good. As you can guess I feel pretty good in the fact that I did all I could. Kind of had a weird experience last night. XW stopped by to take care of stuff for S12. We sat for 45 mins to 1 hr talking about the kids, stuff going on in each others lives......that's how we met (minus the stuff about kids). THAT WAS TOO WEIRD/SCARRY.
Stepping in and out of the responsible parent mode, depending on the day of the week, is weird. It's kind of odd having to "plan to be with the kids", after so many years. Also, having to tell kids "talk to you Mom" when they want to come over to my place on off days, is getting kind of old. It feels like I'm coping out, but it's all I can say.
Still can't get my head around being "back on the market". Women start making a move, I start to panic and back pedal. I guess you would say I'm not ready yet. We'll have to get over that.
Still can't get my head around being "back on the market". Women start making a move, I start to panic and back pedal. I guess you would say I'm not ready yet. We'll have to get over that.
I can imagine that's pretty wierd. There's nothing wrong with keeping things light and giving yourself some time to heal Phoenix.
It's funny, I read the comment of a recently re-married WAW (acquaintance of mine) yesterday, complaining about the lack of structure her teens had at their dad's home...and thinking it was really irresponsible of him to marry a woman with four little kids after having known her for only 11 weeks. I don't know the whole sitch, obviously there are two sides to the story, but all I could think was, "consequences, honey, consequences--you can't walk away and expect everything to be all your way." It's so hard on the kids. I know you're doing the best you can...and your kids know it.
It cracks me up when I hear XW talk about her big family (relatives), all good solid homes. Followed close behind by the troubles we are facing as a result of the D. Considering what we have learned and know, it's hard to not state the obvious.
While on my recent vacation, a relative of mine asked, "If she wanted to get back together, what would you say"? That was followed by, "What would you expect"? I was caught with no answer. Finally I said, "Time, healing and repentance. Good honest repentance. No more chances". As you H is learning, repentance is difficult, perhaps the hardest. That's when we really pay the price for what we do. I really think that is why there is so much D, no one can face the price of their choices. As I mentioned before, taking repentance to completion is extremely difficult if the sin is great.
On my side of the coin, forgiveness is not too tough, dealing with the pain then and now is. Trust, wow, that's going to be a tough road too. Good luck on your journey down that road. I hope the outcome is how you dream it will be.
It cracks me up when I hear XW talk about her big family (relatives), all good solid homes. Followed close behind by the troubles we are facing as a result of the D. Considering what we have learned and know, it's hard to not state the obvious.
Wow, it's good you have a sense of humor about that irony. Beams in eyes...wish they weren't so literal sometimes! Need to get you a cute bag of bricks to carry when you're around her.
I do have to say I'm glad H isn't putting on a hypocrite's face and going through motions without real intent. It's one of the reasons I try to not bug him about it. I think you're right that true repentance is a high price to pay. And you can't do it for anyone other than yourself.
For me too, forgiveness is not so tough (I'm grateful for that). I can talk myself through the pain, and most of the fear. Trust--well, it goes back to the fear. Maybe I won't have the glittery, shiny, dream marriage I want in this life. But I'll still be happy and do the best I can with what I have.
Thanks for checking in on me! I was drama free for a while (should've enjoyed that) but now back to dealing with new drama, stbx's gf#2 whom he's already introduced to kids even if they've just started to date 1wk or so, more on my thread.
But about your H, I remember feeling that way, and the best thing is to let go and pray for him, I love Stormy Omartian's books, the one I just heard about "The prayer that changes everything" is supposed to be her best, give it a try. God does know at our hearts and we are the only ones that can open it from the inside, I pray that your H one day opens his to God. One thing I saw in stbx is that he was jaded, that didnt' believe in just letting go and letting God, too much of a foreign concept to him, that was his problem and even now that he went back to his old church it still doesn't seem to be helping any. But your H has a wonderful woman praying for him and God has scores of blessing for you my friend, and I believe your life will be full and happy no matter what.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Aud, Trusting is hard. The only thing YOU can do is focus on what YOU can do for the R. Continue to remind yourself of what your H's needs are and try to fulfill them.
IMO, the more you do to meet his needs, the more he will work to meet yours and the closer you will become to each other. And when you are feeling more connected, you'll naturally start to trust more.
As for the faith thing, I am right there with you. I accepted a long time ago that H doesn't have a strong faith... possibly because he doesn't want to face what he's done in the eyes of God. But at the end of the day, you cannot control what his belief system is. YOu can control yours and you can raise your kids with a strong faith. But if your H is going to find faith, he needs to do it on his own.
Anyway, sounds like you're doing pretty well!
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
IMO, the more you do to meet his needs, the more he will work to meet yours and the closer you will become to each other.
Thanks for this. I don't know why I need to be reminded constantly, but I do need to get a specific list together. I do alot of little things for H every day, but I think it's important to be aware and step outside the routine in finding new ways to communicate his importance to me.
I *am* doing well, I'm so grateful to be where I am. There's always more to work on, but I'm happy in the process.
I've gone from the thinking "he knows if he cheats again, I won't stay" to completely knowing he won't cheat again.
How did I get there? I don't know. I just know it in my heart finally.
I also think it has a lot to do w/ what Peaceful said about meeting your H's needs & he will return in kind.
Have a great week!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Hi Aud! The 'journey' continues, 'eh! Thinking about what you said, I remember reading some of the book The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands by Dr.Laura Schlessinger. She has some valid points. I must really finish it.
CTR, and things will work out the way it should. Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
