"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
CagZ, you may find out that this journey was more for you than your h. I have learned so many amazing things on this journey that I never new that I was capable of.
It definitely is not an easy journey. Maybe try looking at your world with a different perspective.
God will help you through this difficult time and you will come out a better person.
Hugs!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
so i have been doing things that cause me to spin.
since this is a place of honesty-- and openness this is where i will share.
in my searching for answers i find more information that just causes me confusion. what is the truth? do we ever get to find out? is there ever a time where we just get to get our own AH HA moment?!!
i think on what he has said.. I dont love you - i am not in love with you I dont think i ever really did love you
those words really mess with the head you know??!! Even now what almost 2 years later!! GOOD GRIEF!! i feel like it was yesterday-- sitting there across from me...............he looked like a lost puppy not knowing what to do...but knowing that he didn't want to be where he was. And me? A desperate woman just wanting for him to tell some truth.... and he did .... and i wish now i would have just shut up!
what if i would have never asked what is wrong? what if i would have been the type of wife that let him lead? what if i could have let him know how great he was to me?
all the d*** whats ifS!! they mean NOTHING but yet to me the LBS they mean everything.
CLOSURE!! HOW IN THE H do i get it?? Good grief. He can gloat and say he didn't cheat..whatever xh wahtever! He has no freakin' guilt and i think if he never heard from me again that would be ok with him.............
WHY CANT I GET TO THAT FREAKIN' PLACE!!!!!
i am frustrated angry at ME!!!
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
It's BS. What they say is so hurtful because it comes from a place of hurt. They are lashing out. He feels hurtful and low inside and so he spreads it around, he dumps it on you by saying those things. Those things are not real.
No.
Don't you believe it. It feels better for them to say it, but it's not really true. Trust me. Gosh if I were there I would hug you until you believed it. It's not true, what they say.
When people say hateful or hurtful things, it is a sign of ugliness or pain in them coming out. Think about that. It is always true.
what if... what if... what if... it's all nonsense. You will tie yourself in knots. If a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his a$$ a-hoppin.
--- you're wondering: how can SPM be so sure? I'll tell you why I think it's a sure bet: some of the craziest things came out of her mouth when she was upset. I have no other explanation for it. She "knew" I was unfaithful to her. Now, here's the thing. She can say ILYBIANILWY. She can say "I never loved you". (mine didn't, but some do) She can say all sorts of stuff. I cannot disprove any of the stuff about the inside of her head, her feelings. But the thing is, she also said a whole bunch of things I know something about. Like, she accused me of being unfaithful. No evidence. No justification for it. And it just gosh darn isn't true. But she still believed I was. I denied it (stupid of me to defend myself)... and she just dismissed my denial. Waved it away. "I don't believe you."
ok, now look. all the other crap she said, maybe I could believe it. ILYIANILWY, everything about her feelings, etc etc. But "you were unfaithful". Look, trust me, if I were unfaithful, I am pretty sure I would know about it. For this one, I know I am right. I was not unfaithful.
And it got me thinking - all the rest of what she said was the same. It was just a reflection of her mindset at the time she uttered the words. True enough to her at the time, but not objectively true, if you know what I mean. Her perception was that I was a bad guy, unfaithful, abusive, etc. (why else would she stray?) and that was all quite true to her, in her own mind. Anything is justifiable, in that mindset. Even taking away the kids from me for 12 years.
But 9 months later, I will have the kids near 50% of the time. She is agreeing to all of this.
Conclusion: what goes on in their heads - it's not real. It's out of touch with reality.
Trust me on this.
ps: I don't get your name. If you are cagzmom, who is cagz?
hey cagzmom, sirprizeme is right. He is just saying these things to make HIm feel better. My H said lots of things before and now he says different things. I think they say whatever makes sense to them at the time. He thinks he must have never loved you thats why it didnt work. It makes sense to him, what else could it be? That is the way their minds think. I think your right, you do like me, you ask questions knowing you wont like the answers, but you need to hear them anyway. It hurts, but we just have to know sometimes.
I left a post on Dars page for you! Im ready to get away too!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Yes CagZ don't believe what your h was saying at the time. He is in a crisis, what can you expect.
My h said he was miserable in the m. Was that 9 years of misery? If I asked him today about that, I am sure he would not agree with what he said over a year ago.
If he did, then why would he want to go to c. See it depends on what way the wind is blowing on any given day. Put NO faith in what was said by your h.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
SPM- real quick -- will post more later but CAGZ is part of my last name.. MOM is who I am to that CAGZ..so see CAGZ MOM. =) CAGZ would be my kids.... i know i know so creative! ha!
getting really tired..too much wine...want to read again later......and really soak it in..
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
